


Emotions and Relationships for Dummies

by Mitskirise



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Friends to Lovers, M/M, POV Bruce Banner, POV Thor (Marvel), Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, WikiHow is good but WikiHow is also not good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 17:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18744184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitskirise/pseuds/Mitskirise
Summary: "And if there's one thing I've learned in my life is that, strange as it may seem, there's an instruction booklet for everything." Tony turns his cell phone so he can see the page he uploaded. "Even for these situations."Or the time when WikiHow helped Thor and Bruce get together





	Emotions and Relationships for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Guida semplice e veloce alle Emozioni e alle Relazioni](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14890623) by [Mikirise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikirise/pseuds/Mikirise). 



Emotions and Relationships for Dummies

  
  


Tony looks around at first, and he doesn't seem to know how to answer Bruce's question. He wipes his hands on his white, stained coat and gasps. Bruce shakes his head and tries to say: "Look, you don't need to... -" But Tony raises his hands and starts to shake them quickly, interrupting him, approaching him. Because it’d have been too easy to get out of this situation like that, pulling back as soon as he realized the huge mistake he made. No. Tony got his spark back, he seems to be  _ vibrating _ again with an energy he didn't have before. He's here again. Bruce is relieved. Concerned about what could happen from now on, of course, but relieved, because Tony is back to be, for this interval of time, which can be infinitesimal, Tony. Only Tony.

"I knew it," the boy explains quickly, wiping his hands on his white lab coat. "Actually I expected it. We all expected it. That friend of yours... Brunnhilde. You talked to me about this thing, okay? And so yeah, we knew it. But I didn't think you'd ask for advice to me. To me. Of all the people. Because, well, I've never had a serious - _ thing _ , okay? And not -it’s not like I… and I thought you didn’t trust me in matters of relationships, though, I have to admit I was very good helping Clint with his emotions, apparently. And even high school kids - these kids also seem pretty smart to me. They consider me a relationship guru. But ... And so I thought you ... " He shrugs and looks around. "But it can be done."

Bruce snorts a nervous laugh. Tony has opened three different topics in a mini-monologue and he has to decide which direction to give this conversation. Bruce nervously scratches his forehead. None of the arguments is very tempting. He must still decide quickly. "Can it be done?" He decides to repeat and Tony nods forcefully, taking his cell phone from his pocket. "What do you mean with  _ it can be done _ , Tony?"

"Well, we're a team, right?" He asks, twiddling on the screen of that thing, as if their life depended on it. "And if there's one thing I've learned in my life is that, strange as it may seem, there's an instruction booklet for everything." Tony turns his cell phone so he can see the page he uploaded. "Even for these situations."

Bruce thins his eyes and tries not to roll his eyes, before returning to look at his face and show him the most exhausted and tired expression of Tony Stark's nonsense of his repertoire.

  
  
  
  
  


_ TRY TO UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS _

 

_ Before acting, analyze your feelings. It is important to be sure of what you feel: if you started seeing your friend with different eyes, it must be a real crush, maybe even a strong love affair. You don't have to change your perspective just because you had a moment of weakness, or a tear-jerking movie or the story of your friends' love prompted you to do Pindaric flights. They must be real butterflies in the stomach, you must go beyond your friendship. _

 

There is a reconnaissance tour, first of all.

Brunnhilde laughed at the idea. Tony, on the other hand, had been serious, writing the list on the tablet to be able to share it with both of them.

It's important. Bruce, sitting at the table, his hands clasped around the coffee cup, watches Thor turn the spoon inside his cup of green tea he doesn't even like. Reconnaissance, Tony said, is important. Not that he actually thought of it himself. But if WikiHow says it's important, then yes, it _ must be _ important. Bruce looks down at the coffee. He’s sarcastic now. He's thinking of a past conversation in which he couldn't be sarcastic, go figure out why, and now he's sarcastic. If that can't make him feel stupid and pathetic, then he wouldn't know what else could.

Thor looks up at him, pointing at the tea bag, which drips, and when Bruce remains with his eyebrows furrowed and concentrated on his eyes, which are decidedly blue and decidedly bright and definitely a distraction, Thor tilts his head. "Something wrong?" He asks and maybe he would like to play amused, but his tone is rather worried.

After careful review of the plan with both Brunnhilde and Tony, however, they decided that being sure of Bruce’s feelings towards Thor must be a really important step. It was useless to repeat that if he hadn't been really very sure of what he was feeling he wouldn't have been able to even talk about it with them. But there is a positive side to which he had not thought before. This gives Bruce time to do nothing too stupid and try to figure out how to get out of the trouble he got himself into. Really. He didn't have to (or wanted to) ask anyone for help. It was a way to make a connection with someone. To make sure Tony listened to him. He didn't really want help. He just wanted to - talk about it. Sometimes it's the only thing a person would want to do. Speak. He would never have said that months ago but he just wanted to talk. Communicate as if someone, on the other side, could understand you. He made a mistake. Tony acts, doesn’t listen. And now Bruce too must do it.

Bruce makes an effort to smile, but it's very likely that the result is not the best, because Thor at first moves his gaze here and there, as if he were calculating something, and then shows his teeth. He is imitating his expression. Bruce snorts a laugh, before covering his face. "I'm fine," he assures him, and then shakes his head, laughing, because he wouldn't even know where to start looking for confirmation of what he feels.

Bruce has three thousand thoughts that go through his head. In one of these, there must be a topic of conversation that can reassure Thor of his serenity at this moment. Even if, at this very moment, he is anything but serene. And Bruce must regain control over his body. Of his mind. He must think of beautiful things. Pretty things.

Bruce decides to think, therefore, about every moment of the last months in which he chose to stay in Australia and Thor sat next to him, with his wet shorts and sandals on his feet full of sand. Bruce thinks back to Jennifer, who is in the United States and always repeats that it cannot be that there’s never a field to call him, or that their hours are so different. Bruce thinks about having to repeat to people like Clint how the time zone works. It takes him and Tony together for hours and hours to explain it, and Bruce is still not sure Clint actually understood the mechanism, but they had reached the point where it was torture to continue, both for him and for them. Bruce thinks about Tony, who keeps telling him that it’s important to understand his feelings. Bruce thinks about his aunt, who always tells him he should always be ready to talk about his feelings, even if they are negative or embarrassing. And then again Bruce thinks about Jennifer, who didn't need words - she, with only a hug, a kiss on her forehead, understood. And is there another person in this world with whom he can communicate without having to talk? Without having to talk  _ too much _ ? Without the fear of hurting anyone?

Thor.

Bruce thinks back to those smiles that calmed him when there were definitely too many thoughts in his head. The sandals he always wears. The smell of sand. And the calm Thor brings during the nights of lightning and storms. The smell. His silence, which for some reason is never silence. It is the anchor that always brings him back to the present.

Bruce blinks quickly and Thor is there, with his smile, his ankles crossed beside the chair and that tea bag in midair. "Why are you drinking green tea?" Bruce asks him, returning the smile, while Thor curls his lips and sighs.

"It's cold," he explains, raising a shoulder and now it’s Bruce who frowns.

He looks at the sleeves of his shirt and begins to fold one, to pull it patiently up his arm. Normally he does it early in the morning, before going to the labs and not because it's exactly his well-learned routine, something he has always done. No. In Ohio - and Bruce doesn't want to offend Thor, which is why he won't say anything like that out loud since he realized how sensitive he’s to the topic, but really, in Ohio it's cold. Really cold. The cold that makes your teeth chatter and rub your hands over your arms to get some warm. The cold that could kill, while you disappear under the snow. The Australian cold makes Bruce sweat three shirts and makes him want to turn on the air conditioners. "Do you drink green tea when it's cold?" He asks gently, with half-smile. "I thought you were a hot chocolate type."

Thor sighs a smile. Bruce watches him, pulling his shoulders forward to fill that empty space above the coffee table. The truth is they are not used to sitting on opposite sides of a table. It’s new. Thor also seems to be unbalanced forward. This is not their natural distance. "And you wouldn't have been wrong," he replies, resting his cheek on his cupped hand. "But I promised my mother I would make healthier choices."

"I don't know anyone with healthier choices than yours," Bruce tries to protest, his brows furrowed. And Thor shakes his head, continuing to throw glances at the green tea, which smokes placidly between them.

"That's because, my friend, you yourself are not a model of a healthy life," he snorts, lifting one side of his lips. Bruce shrugs in response because he knows it's true, but that doesn't make his words any less true. "I would suggest you share this ..." He tilts his head and casts a decidedly confused and almost betrayed look, better than ever in the history of confused and betrayed looks at a teapot. Bruce can't help but smile. He feels how his smile broadens, as he can do nothing but untangle his hands from around his cup, to bring them under his chin and be sure not to miss a moment of this little show in front of him. This must be the warmth in the chest that everyone is constantly talking about. What finally gives meaning to the world. What guides you to inner peace. That heat there. And this? "This tool. To make sure that you also cleanse your intestines and …” He freezes, shaking its head. "Um, no. What should you cleanse from? "

Bruce lets out a grin and a: "From the pain of the innocent souls I destroyed." And then he turns his eyes, fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt pulled toward the elbow. Thor shakes his head. "I'm kidding." He sits up and sighs. "Loki still does... How is Frigga?" He asks and in doing so, he has to lower his head, look away like he does when he's about to tell a lie. His heart clenches to see the slightly melancholy expression of Thor, who tries to drive away as soon as possible. This is his expression of when he remembers what he lost.

"Like a queen in her kingdom" Thor replies theatrically, putting a hand on his chest. He sighs with a mixture of tenderness and pride and melancholy and for a fraction of a second, for little is enough to make him feel a little better, well, look at Bruce too. And maybe that's why Bruce, for a while, forgets how much pain this answer must be bringing him. It seems almost true what he says. If it weren’t for that shade on the corner of the lips turned upwards, he wouldn’t realize it. "Every day she wakes up at six in the morning, certain that none of us can account for her routine. She believes the first rays of the sun can bring some benefit to the body. And to the soul. It’s a mystery to me to find out what she does during the mornings when I am not there. Those are secrets that belong to Loki.” His blue eyes rest on him and Bruce keeps his eyes. He also smiles at him, imagining Frigga greeting the scorching sun with her eyes closed and her arms open. It is a beautiful image. It's a nice way to see something that's gone. And it’s also a yes to his first and true question. Yes, Loki  _ still continues to _ . "And when she sees me coming back, who knows why, he asks me about the charming American friend I brought home some time ago. This is what Loki narrates."

Bruce wrinkles his nose. "You’re right to keep Tony away from your house," he replies, scratching his jaw. He knows he is going astray. He also broke eye contact. "He could steal your mother. Tony could also be adopted, in a sense. He could be stabbed by Loki for that.

Thor frowns. "She asks for you, Bruce," he explains.

Bruce snorts, crossing his arms and hugging his shoulders. "Oh no," he replies in a monotonous tone. "It means that Loki will try to stab me." And he sees Thor smile and here he is. There he is. He feels it again, that warmth in his chest. He closes his eyes, even if for a while and then sighs a smile. How can sigh a smile, well, yes, only he knows.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_Ask yourself:_ ** _ "Do I feel real feelings? Or do I want it only on a whim, knowing that it won't work? " _

  
  


"Is that enough?" Tony asks, with a thoughtful expression. Bruce doesn't even realize at first he's talking to him. He continues to write on this crumpled sheet, which perhaps he should have thrown away weeks before, or which he should have put in some notebook. He doesn’t realize that Tony is sitting next to him and observes him in silence, perhaps waiting for an answer. He leans toward him, elbows on the desk.

When Bruce raises his head, to be able to look into his eyes, he has to put his glasses on his nose and give him a half-smile before scratching his forehead.

Tony tilts his head. "And that's enough?" He asks again, in a slightly more present voice.

Bruce shrugs and Tony nods. That's enough. Sure enough. But, if he really wants to, he can do another round of reconnaissance. Bruce doesn't complain.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_ASK YOURSELF:_** _"Do I have the strength to deal with refusal if I have to declare myself and receive a two of spades? I think the relationship can come back the same as before if it were to happen? "._

 

He looks at his trembling hand, slowly moving his wrist and makes a small grimace. Bruce doesn't go out much from the lab. He doesn’t go out of the house much, if he’s not forced, and this is an objective fact. And also one of the reasons he doesn't have so many friends. Perhaps this is also the reason his skin seems to shine, at this moment, under the sunlight, above the boiling sand. It's also a little embarrassing, thinking about it better.

The red and yellow flags flutter and Bruce can't even look towards the horizon, because of the sunlight. Because, of course, the only moments he can afford to leave his lab (and it's also one of the reasons he doesn't leave his lab so often) are early in the morning, very late at night, or during what he and Tony insist on calling the lunch break, even if, for one reason or another, they miss lunch since they know each other. Work is the shortest and most commonly used excuse. But Bruce wants to revive with the truth. The truth is they are little interested in food and a lot of Australian biotechnology. Biotechnology which, for some reason, seems to be a little more advanced than the US one. And it provokes in them a feeling similar to the ecstasy that the excited people of Art have before -the Pietà by Michelangelo, probably. Bruce has to put on his sunglasses, to look up and he remembers he brought anything, not a book, not a tablet, not a charged cell phone or with an internet connection. And he must look like an idiot, with his legs crossed on the couch, the purple swimsuit (really? Purple? What's on his mind?) And no one around him. Or, well, just - very few people. Surfers, maybe. Some reckless bathers. He wants to remember, Bruce says, that twenty-four degrees Celsius are the cold winter nights that pilgrims are afraid to face down here. And he can't help but laugh, imagining Thor's face outraged by such a claim.

When he looks up, however, Thor is watching him, with his half-smile and a container full of salad, over his chair far too high to control the beach and his hair tied back. Bruce can do nothing but smile in return.

It's - it's no secret now that for Thor he has completely lost his mind. Like, yeah, okay, it is for Thor, but Bruce literally has only three friends, and two of them know everything. Which makes his crush the worst kept secret in the world. And now he must look like an idiot, as he continues to smile at Thor, bringing his hand to his forehead and with his eyes half closed because of the sun. And he must seem even more stupid, as he sees Thor goes down from his guardhouse to approach him, as he did once, twice, three times.

"You should check out the swimmers," Bruce tells him, trying to keep his voice high enough to be heard despite the waves of the ocean. Thor also has half-closed eyes and his hair tied back seems to give him that touch of professional tenderness he doesn't normally have when they meet in a bar, or to get ice cream. Bruce cannot define the feeling of professional tenderness. It's like when -when you look at a person you love doing something they're good at. But it is also something else. And more.

 

"Oh, but you are a bather," Thor replies, and glances over his shoulder to make sure no one has jumped into the water. Then he turns back to Bruce with a curled smile. "And I think you're burning your nose." He points, before kneeling beside him. Bruce frowns because, well, yeah, the sand must be warm enough by now. Then he crosses his eyes so he can concentrate on his nose. Without any useful result. Then Bruce covers his nose with both hands. And Thor smiles. "I'm kidding," he says.

Bruce pulls his hands down, snorting a laugh. And here. The feeling of professional tenderness and unconditional affection for Thor. Here it is, the stomach that seems to want to tell him that he’s hungry and that he also wants to vomit. And for just a moment they’re there, the two of them, Bruce and Thor, and everything is still. It made him laugh. And everything is still. Really stopped. Stopping in the sense that for a moment there is no need to breathe, for a moment Thor does not need to turn to look towards the ocean, for a moment Bruce’s hands do not tremble beside his ankles, for a moment the purple costume does not seem ridiculous and for a moment - only one - Bruce is not worried about anything other than this moment. In which Thor smiles at him and seems to be looking only at him. And Bruce - but yeah, it does matter. 

Who cares about his comfort zone, or Tony's plan copied from WikiHow and who cares about his father's dignity of things he has never learned to do and who cares about sun and heat and sand and Loki. Indeed. What does Loki care? Bruce is about to open his mouth and say: in the end, what does it matter if the only thing I always think about is rainy nights and thunder? And it would be something that only Thor would have understood, that could only really understand him, but he stops. There is a wave that breaks on the coast, the laughter of a nearby surfer, and Thor breaks eye contact, glances at the swimmers over his shoulder. And the moment ends, and so does the attitude of who or what matters to Bruce, who draws back, even physically, before giving him a smile, almost an apology. A smile to say  _ I didn't want _ . He thought a terrible thing. (What does it matter Loki?) (All.) (Loki matters everything.)

"You didn't want what?" Thor asks him, after having studied him carefully. Bruce shrugs. Thor doesn't seem happy but lets the subject never really touched slip away. He places a hand on his hip, rather, and smiles. "However, we are all happy that you light up our beach with your presence."

"All?"

Thor makes a vague gesture with his hand, to cancel Bruce's last question. Go back to the ocean and sigh with satisfaction. "The beach is a sad place, without friends."

And Bruce turns his eyes. And then he goes back to studying Thor's back. And think, well, yeah, he could really be there all afternoon just for that. Even just for his back. And he closes his eyes, hiding his face in his hands.

What a pathetic man.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**ASSESS THE CURRENT SENTIMENTAL SITUATION:** _If you have recently broken up with someone, reassure him by telling him that you have completely forgotten this person.  Your friend must know for sure that you no longer think about your ex, because he broke your heart, not it's for you and you're not going to see it again. To try something else for a former person would hinder anyone looking for a romantic relationship. No one wants to endure the melodrama and the disappointments that come from it. Consequently, if you want this friend of yours to know that you are available, make sure your situation is crystal clear._

  
  


Loki is sitting with his cell phone in his hand and his feet on the couch, and when he sees Thor enter the house, he barely raises his eyes, bending his back a little more, perhaps remaining a little more at attention. He doesn’t stop studying him. He studies the way Thor moves, he studies his steps, his expression. He also seems not to be happy with Thor's choice to enter the house with sandals full of sand but doesn't say a single word. And this leads Thor to narrow his eyes and study the room around them. If Loki says nothing, or does nothing, there must be a reason. He must have broken something. He must have prepared some jokes. He must have done something that, for now, he doesn't want Thor to notice. And it is therefore very important that Thor notices it.

“How was school?” Thor asks, sitting down on the sofa. Loki lowers the phone, placing it on his knees and blinking slowly before lifting one side of his lips.

"I didn't go," he replies, pulling his feet back, crossing his ankles. Loki doesn’t break eye contact. He keeps observing Thor in silence. Almost amused. Thor sighs, he caresses the bridge of his nose and this shouldn't be his responsibility, but here it is, he's there, he must take care of it. "Don't you ask me why I didn't go to school?" Loki asks him, with a false honey tone. His head is tilted, his cheek resting on his shoulder, his cell phone has fallen on his side.

"Why didn't you go to school, Loki?" Thor asks in a sigh.

"Because mom needed me here."

  
  
  
  


From above the gatehouse, Thor slowly blows his eyebrows and looks at the horizon of the ocean, without really paying too much attention to the bathers, despite this being his duty, actually. 

He can't help but think of Loki's convinced gaze when he talks about their mother. He can't even fail to think of his ancestors, coming from Norway, who came to these shores for the first time, without knowing or knowing, what the land was behind him. He thinks about the past, made up of his ancestors, boats, the ocean, and his father, asleep, far from him, and think also about the future, in Loki, in the hinterland, in the laboratories of the city, which, who knows why, before they didn't seem to be that important, but now they occupy a third of Thor’s thoughts. They are two different worlds. And he is on the coast. It's not on the ocean. It is not inland. And he seems to have to make a decision, but he doesn't know exactly what decision is, nor in what context this decision should be taken. He doesn't even know if he really wants to make a decision. He knows that whatever it is, whatever path he will take - does it really matter?

Thor sighs and tries to focus his gaze on the few swimmers on the beach. Loki says he saw grasshoppers come out. He said this looking straight into Bruce's eyes, that laughed nervously, and maybe it should have been his way to make him understand that he noted Bruce's presence in Thor's life. A way to haunt him. A way to insult him subtly. It’s also a way to tell Thor this presence is not so grateful to him. And Bruce probably understood the nuance, but merely laughed nervously and then nodded, giving strength to his younger brother.  _ True _ , he said,  _ we have seen many of them in the grove _ .  _ The rainy season is coming. It begins the period of hunting grasshoppers, _ he added. And Thor smiled.  _ Don't go without me, _ he replied.

This, the grasshoppers, the rainy season, means that Thor will have less work to do. He’ll only have to remind everyone not to bathe at night. He’ll only have to check the boats, the nets. There will not be many human beings. Perhaps only Sif, or Brunnhilde. Maybe it's just the three of them, struggling with whales, or sharks. And if he's lucky, well, maybe Bruce will come back to visit him on the beach, saying that the nets, the fish, the coral reef ... and Thor will look at him. Just look at him. Promised, that's all he wants to do. Bruce has things to think about, problems to solve, places to go and Thor -yeah, he's sure, he just wants to be there. Just look. Smile at Bruce whenever he wants. And it would be enough. For a while, it would really be enough. Being together in limbo, without Bruce even realizing it. Without suffering from it.

Someone beats the palm of their hand against the gatehouse. Thor frowns, glancing downward and meeting Brunnhilde's gaze. She keeps tapping on the iron, her palm open and her chin up. Her eyes are almost closed, due to the glow around them. "You have to go to Bruce," she tells him. She pulls back. Brunnhilde let the arm of the hand that beat to draw Thor’s attention go heavily along her side and she has wet hair. "You have to go to Bruce" she repeats more wearily, putting a hand on his forehead to cover her eyes from the sun. "Tonight," she continues, raising her voice. She turns her head towards the ocean, to make sure the surfers aren't doing anything stupid, then looks back at Thor, with that grimace on her lips and a curled nose. "Because I can't go."

Thor slips towards the sand. "Why can't you go?" He asks more out of curiosity than to complain. Spending time with Bruce is definitely anything but a burden. And even without apology, Thor would spend every spare moment with him, if only he had. "Did something happen?" He asks, as Brunnhilde tilts his head, moving her hair over the shoulder and er gray, wet sweater. He sees her put her hands in the pockets, while keeping her chin up so that she can look into his eyes. She must be calculating how much she should answer and how much not. How much she wants Thor to know. And it would also be quite funny if it weren't for the situation. "I thought the self-defense lessons were important," he tries to press her, with his half-smile and Brunnhilde's eyes narrow, while a gust of wind hits them.

He sees her huddle in her sweatshirt and throws a rather irritated look behind her shoulders, where the wind comes from, before moving a tuft that falls on her nose. Thor glances not too attentive to bathers. He must strive to do so. "They are important," replies the girl, crossing her arms just below her chest. "But today Jane has a free evening. And so Sif do.” She rolls his eyes. Thor expands his smile. "And I promised you an opportunity. So..." She ends, raising one shoulder.

 

Thor nods slowly, taking his chin with his hand, to give himself a false thoughtful expression.

The truth is that it would mean yes. He would have said yes even if Brunnhilde had not answered his questions, to be honest, but it’s also true that there is the variable Loki, which is unpredictable. Loki can stay at home, with his popcorn, watching television and making jokes, for when Thor comes home, probably late. Loki could stay at home, but then he'd have that pout all over the next day, and the next day again and probably the day after that again, until he exploded into a monologue about how unfair Thor is. Because Thor will not be at home, because Thor was not at home, because Thor is never home. The amount of attention his brother demands is grueling, almost embarrassing. But it’s also true that Loki is his only brother, his only sister, his only family and Thor cannot afford to lose him. He could convince Loki to go with him to Bruce. "Maybe ..." But Loki always gives the worst of himself when it comes to his older brother's friends. Thor closes his eyes and caresses the bridge of his nose.

Here, another gust of wind. "I wanted to take Bruce with us," Brunnhilde begins, shouting over the wind and the waves. "But you know he gets embarrassed easily. He says he doesn’t want to make the fourth wheel. And he really needs self-defense lessons. And the only one who could really stand up to him is you.” She curls his lips. Purposely omits the  _ excluded me _ but it resonates in the air, and it’s suspicious, but Thor prefers not to ask himself too many questions. He lived his life with really many people who prefer to manipulate him, rather than ask him things openly and he understood there are things he prefers not to know. "And you wanted more time," Brunnhilde adds softly, in a tone of voice that could have a little girl who has to admit that she loves his brother. 

Thor smiles at her. Sif and Jane can be a good alibi, a good excuse to leave him some space with Bruce, even if that space was originally Brunnhilde's and, even if she was jealous of those moments between them until this very moment, she is giving it to him. Not forever, of course, but it's giving him this moment. And it must be perhaps the biggest admission of trust and affection she has ever made to Thor. Perhaps it will also be the only one. So Thor must make sure not to waste it.

Really, the only problem would be Loki. Loki tormenting Bruce. Loki who would do anything to embarrass him and, for some reason, Loki who manages to stress and make Bruce tremble, so much his obstinate and blind rage is great towards him. Thor sighs. 

The bathers are all safe and the sun is still high. The ocean is everything, except calm, and remembers his father, remembers his father who one day fell asleep and then never woke up again, who wanted to fly to Norway and told him, look, look, my children, home. And yet, that was the first time Thor and Loki had seen Norway, yet it was the first time they had seen an ocean so cold and so gray. 

He has to raise his chin to look at the sky. The wind keeps blowing. And Thor nods slowly. It's a training session. Loki can stand it. Bruce will certainly endure it, because he is the kind of person who smiles and accepts whatever the world throws at him. Sure. And then Thor will really do everything to mitigate Loki's anger. After all, this is what he was wishing for a few minutes ago. 

Thor was the one who asked Brunnhilde, apparently, talking to her, in a moment of weakness in which he had thought she knew, of his feelings. She had stopped him immediately. He had mumbled something about a site that tells you how to do things and then she closed the conversation.  _ Follow the steps that are written on that site to do things and not torment me _ , she had said. But, apparently, she had listened to him. A little. A little time with Bruce, only to look at him and smile at him. It seems that Thor asked her too. "You convinced me to  _ do it _ " he jokes with Brunnhilde, who throws him a distracted look.

"Be careful though, okay?" She answers, while his eyes study the surfers' movements on the waves. And for a moment, not even Brunnhilde is here beside him. He hears her sigh.

"What should I be careful about?" Asks Thor, because he doesn't understand - he doesn't really understand and Brunnhilde knows it, which is why she tilts her head and shrugs her shoulders.

"I would just say -well, be careful." And she’s back to her post, with bare feet and a sweatshirt. The wind rises a little more and the surfers seem to be very happy, while the other bathers return to the shore.

Thor looks up and the cumulonimbus clouds are there, ready to threaten rain. Ah. So probably even without Brunnhilde coming to talk to him, it would have been one of those days when he and Bruce would meet again. Because Loki saw grasshoppers.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Bruce gets distracted, turns his head towards Thor, with a questioning look, and Loki takes the opportunity to punch him in the belly and make him back off a few steps. "Loki!" Scolds Thor, moving towards Bruce, who holds his belly and laughs nervously, shaking his head, as if to excuse the boy, who raises his fist theatrically. "Loki, you beat him without any honor," Thor continues, leaning over Bruce and gently placing a hand on his back.

"With honor, you do not win wars" the boy replies, rolling his eyes. He shakes his hand. He must have hurt himself and Thor must fight against the instinct to go and check if everything is fine. When you punch, there's a backlash. He always tried to explain it to Loki, but the kid never seems to have been part of a fight. Despite that, Thor is sure, Loki has started more than one fight. Thor is back to Bruce, who is standing and dedicates the same questioning look to him from a few seconds before.

"Why do you ask about Natasha?" He asks, with his brows furrowed. Bruce decides to approach Loki and take the hand with which he punched him. Loki looks up at him, with a small pout, because, apparently, he has understood that one of the best ways to get the attention of the two adults present is to accentuate the pain he inflicted on himself. Bruce is kind enough to follow the game. "It's not a big deal" he ends, turning Loki's hand between his own. He smiles at him. "After ice cream, you'll be fine" reassures him with a smile.

"ice cream?" Loki asks, raising an eyebrow. "What -how many years do you think I have?"

Bruce thins his eyes and seems, for only a second, to stand there thinking about it, as if it were an important question, which should have a well thought out answer. "Between ten and fifteen," he says finally, with a small smile and Loki snorts. "The best age to take ice cream after hurting your hand."

Loki turns his eyes and pulls his hand away, crossing his arms over his chest. "Okay," he mutters. "And who’s Natasha?" He continues to ask and Thor can do nothing but smile, and then sigh a laugh, which attracts Bruce's attention.

"An old friend of mine" Bruce tries to answer, glancing at Thor. He is saying: look at your position. And then Thor raises a shoulder and smiles at him. Thor is shaking off the responsibilities of a conversation that he started. So Bruce opens his mouth in a smile and is telling him  _ no, certainly not like that _ . It's peaceful. Intimate. It's something of them. And that's when Loki pushes Bruce.

"Loki!" Thor takes it back immediately, but Bruce snorts a laugh, running his palm over his forehead. 

Loki, with high eyes and pout, continues to snort. He wants Bruce's attention. Thor frowns. Something starts to work in his head. Loki wants Bruce's attention. His smiles. This is such a thing-channel that he hadn't noticed. Loki normally wants the attention of other people, but he doesn't want anyone in particular, unless he didn't care for that particular person. Obviously. It’s one of the reasons he has always tormented Thor. It's his way to show affection.

"Ice cream," Loki says. "I want it."

"Okay."

"Okay?" Asks Thor. And he’s relieved. Now that he has understood, he really can breathe. Because the fact that Bruce has a weakness for every child who sat next to him for a few seconds -well, that was more than obvious. But the affection of Loki -that is not at all obvious and until a few minutes before Thor thought Loki hated Bruce. And maybe Bruce understood it earlier. Maybe that's why he always smiles like that when Thor says _ uh, yes, I have to bring Loki, I hope it doesn't bother you too much _ . He always says  _ don't worry _ . Maybe Thor really isn't doing anything but worrying. Why? It hasn't always been this way. "Loki doesn't really deserve ice cream right now. He -... "

"Oh," interrupts Bruce. "Everyone deserves ice cream. I want ice cream, too. And I'm sure you want ice cream, too. Then..."

"Yes, but  _ I _ want ice cream," Loki repeats, crossing his arms. "So we have to go get it." Clench his jaw. "Now."

a flash of lightning. 

The light from outside the windows is dazzling and both Thor and Bruce turn to look at it, as quickly as possible, but can only get the rumble of thunder. "It guarantees from the rain but not from the lightning" Thor mumbles, before turning to Loki. "Perhaps the best thing would not be to take that ice cream today."

"But..."

"We could take pizza" Bruce proposes with a smile. "Am I wrong or do you have between eleven and fourteen? This is also a typical way to console oneself for a war wound. "

Loki thins his eyes, with a disdainful grimace. "But I wanted ice cream."

Thor laughs softly. He shakes his head. "What's your thing with pizza?" He asks. "You and Tony are always eating pizza. Kangaroo meat rather? It could be your revenge for that time when a kangaroo ... "

"We've already talked about it," Bruce mutters, shifting the whole weight of his body onto one leg. He moved away from Loki slightly. When? It's very close to Thor. Since when? He keeps his chin up and his head tilted. And he's smiling at Thor. Oh. He smiles right at him. "I will not eat a kangaroo. It's like eating a koala. They are those animals that I saw on television as a child and that ... no. No, really, no. because -no."

"Everyone eats kangaroo meat."

Bruce blinks slowly. There's something going on in his mind and it's the first time Thor can't figure out what. Loki snorts, pulling his head back and Thor would like to be able to turn his head towards him and concentrate on his brother, but he is not understanding Bruce. He always understands Bruce. At least the superficial part, at least the part he wants to show. He always understands so, now, right now, why not? There must be something that escapes him, that he has forgotten, that makes him... farther away. Bruce smiles gently at him. "I'm a vegetarian" he whispers, standing on tiptoe.

And it's so close that Thor can't think of anything else. When Bruce returns to his heels, with that smile of his, his unkempt curls and brown eyes and now, yes, Thor sees him, he's amused. He had told him. Bruce had told him he was a vegetarian. And he didn't remember it. But Bruce had told him. He has moved away. Keep looking into his eyes. They continue to be the two of them. "I..." starts and Loki snorts again. And Bruce turns to him. He gives him attention. He takes it away from Thor.

"Pizza is a good compromise" he goes on to say, while Loki turns his eyes.

  
  
  
  
  


Loki drools on Bruce's shoulder, watching this old American movie as if it were the most beautiful thing in the world.

The site that recommended Brunnhilde has valid points. Thor never stopped time, never thought too much about what he was doing when he heard feelings. When someone liked him, when someone showed an interest in him, when an opportunity presented itself to him, or when he had the opportunity to do something that, even just a little, could have moved him, well, he never thought about it then too. He just acted. And he hurt so many people, for this reason, he couldn't say that this was the right move. His life, in the end, was a disaster. He looks at Bruce, who is softly repeating the protagonists' phrases on the screen. Thor also has the consequences of his mistakes. And Loki. Loki is a fairly heavy bag.

Outside the apartment Bruce, or whoever he rented, rains. It rains a lot and you can feel the drops breaking against the glass of the windows. And Loki scratches his head, settling himself on Bruce's shoulder.

Thor could say that Loki is his emotional baggage. Which is absurd. But it’s also painfully true. And at that site, Brunnhilde advised him, at one point he talks about emotional baggage. Being sure that whatever happens, if you really need to start a relationship, should be able to say that you have closed any relationship with your past. But Thor’s past is drooling on Bruce's shoulder. And Thor certainly can't cut any ties with his brother. Loki is his brother. And, in a sense, it is also the ex Thor has never forgotten. And that he can't forget. And he wouldn't have thought of it before, but -is it fair to ask Bruce to carry such a burden with him?

He would not have considered thoughts and feelings and consequences before. He wants to make it clear because, ugh, the last time, or rather, the last times he did it -it created a huge pain around him. He has lost -he has not been there in important moments, following instinct, following his guts have not taken him anywhere. And so, is this the error he wants to repeat? No. He doesn't want to repeat it. And this -all this, makes it so difficult, it makes everything so difficult that it remains paralyzed watching Bruce most of the time. That’s why he always repeats that it’s what interests him now -just look at him. Just stand by him. And there's another thing that Thor has to take into consideration if he wants to have some kind of relationship with Bruce.

_ Bruce. _

Thor sees him glance at Loki and smiles in the semi-darkness of his living room. Bruce is kind. Bruce is a patient man. Bruce is smart. Bruce is fun. Compassionate. Surprisingly strong both physically and mentally. And Bruce also has emotional baggage. Perhaps it’s not personified, like Loki, or as Thor thought Natasha might have been. But Thor knows there is. And Thor knows it's heavy, even though Bruce seems to be able to stand it without even complaining too much. Thor doesn't understand how. He doesn't even know the reason for this choice, even though he respected it. The point is: would it be too much for Bruce...? He made the tone of the question in his head. No. It should not be a question. Try again. Thor's emotional baggage, added to what Bruce already has to carry with him, would be too much for Bruce ...? Ugh. He did it again. He closes his eyes and caresses the back of his neck with frustration, as if at some point it was definitely too difficult to breathe and hold his head up.

"Hey," Bruce calls him in a low voice. "Can you -can you pass me ...?" He points at the pillow next to Thor's thigh with a nod of his head. Thor snaps to attention and grabs the pillow immediately, to give it to him with mechanical gestures. Bruce thanks with a smile. Then he moves his shoulder just enough to slide Loki's head on his legs.

When Loki starts complaining, mumbling some curse in a low voice, trying to protest, Bruce smiles and strokes his head, as if he were a cat. And as if it were a cat, Loki tilts his head towards his shoulder, following his hand until he finds the pillow. And then he’s back to drooling. Only this time on a pillow. Bruce puts his back on the sofa and gives Thor a smile. Thor who has remained to study every movement of his, every way of doing it, every gesture.

"Hey," he repeats in a sigh.

"Hey," Thor replies with a half-smile.

Bruce tries to bite off his smile, and outside his apartment, it continues to rain and maybe Thor -no, that's stupid. He said that this would have been enough for him and therefore, here, it must be enough.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_If he has recently broken up with someone, find out if he thinks about his ex._ ** _  If they're still in love with them, do not step forward: you are not the makeshift one. But how do you understand that? Ask them! Do it randomly while you talk about this and that. Return the conversation to his ex and the feelings they feels for them, beautiful or ugly. If it’s clear that it has not passed, pull back. If instead, they is seriously over, then consider them available (of course, proceed with the lead feet). _

  
  


Tony blinks slowly and then looks back at Bruce shrugging his shoulders. "What did he say?" He asks for the umpteenth time and sits down with his eyes wide and placing his hand on his forehead. "Could you repeat that? Word by word."

Bruce rolls his eyes and smiles. "I said he asked me a strange question about Natasha," he repeats for the umpteenth time, putting his cheek against his closed fist. "And that's why I got punched in the belly by Loki." He wrinkles his nose. "I guess this isn't as interesting though."

"Why -oh, please. Thor asked you a question about Natasha?” He asks again, putting his hands on the desk and seems to be quite excited. "We really have many other friends in New York," he continues, "but he specifically asked for Natasha."

Bruce snorts. "S _ o many friends _ " he repeats in a low voice. He drums his fingers on his notebook. This is a false sentence. In New York there’re so many people they know, Tony and Bruce know the name of and, for various reasons, they also know their name. From here to consider them friends...  _ So many friends _ Bruce repeats to himself. "And he asked me about Natasha .."

"And you know what you didn't ask him?"

"What?"

"Of Jane."

Bruce thins his eyes. "What?" He begins to ask. "And how could I have asked him about Jane? With Loki nearby? It would have been disgusting. You know their situation. And I wouldn't want to have to make any move, subtle or not, in front of a child. And then... " He shakes his head, rolling his eyes. "Jane is with Sif and Bru. Therefore not..."

"That Jane moved on, doesn't mean Thor move on too. We're talking about feelings, Bruce” says Tony in one breath. He puts his foot on the chair to rest his chin on the knee. "You have to make sure you don't get hurt. You know how Rhodey always says: why don't we learn to put ourselves first? Except that it's not exactly very convincing, because he never gave me candy then. Things are more convincing when you then give someone else a candy." When he speaks, his head moves up and down, like a puppet. Tony lowers his head just enough to place his forehead on the knee. "It's science."

"Classical conditioning."

Tony laughs softly and looks up just enough to watch it. "I'm glad the two of us are friends," he tells him. "It seems to me you are the only person who speaks my language. Really. Bruce. You understand me. Complete me.” He snorts.

Bruce sighs, smiling at him. "Then. In your opinion, I should defend my feelings ”, the speech resumes. "And ask about Jane, even if it must be nothing by now."

"Doesn't it seem strange to you he asked about Natasha?" Asks the other one, raising his head with a grimace. "It sounds pretty strange to me. Why ask about Natasha? We don't talk so much about Natasha and when we talk about her, well, it's not exactly for a very long time. Because, to talk about her, you should not know anything about her. But there is an important detail that we shared with Brunnhilde and Sif and Jane and Thor. The only one that is important.” Tony blinks slowly, waits for Bruce to continue his thought. "And this detail makes it all strange."

"Nat and I were together."

Tony nods slowly. He crosses his legs on the chair, bites his lip. "You and Natasha have been..." Turn your eyes. "More or less together. And doesn't it seem strange to you? "

Sincerely? Maybe. Maybe Thor was weird. Especially the day before, but it’s not the question about Natasha that worries Bruce the most. It’s the lost look of when Bruce told him he was a vegetarian. There were those very long empty looks at Loki. It was that feeling that Thor for some reason was thinking -not that normally Thor doesn't think but, indeed, he seemed to be taken so much by whatever this problem is distracting him from not being there. Thor was not. Bruce looks down.

"Ask for Jane" Tony goes back to saying. "Talk about feelings." He makes ample gestures, spreading his arms, without a specific reason. As to fill all that space, according to him. Well. Good to know. "Things like that."

"Feelings" repeats Bruce not very convinced. "Things like that."

"Oh yeah. Feelings ”confirms Tony.

  
  
  
  
  


An embarrassing silence fell on the ice cream parlor table where they are. And Bruce would just like to sink into the chair and pretend not to exist. Yet. He wonders if eating fast and pretending to have brain cramps would... should not be noticed, he’s just in a panic. He must take a deep breath, count, and pretend everything is fine. Everything is alright. One two Three...

Eight, nine, ten... It turns out that trying to talk about feelings with anyone is quite difficult. And not that Bruce actually tried it, but he can't even imagine a situation in which he could start a heart-to-heart conversation. And he doesn't even know how to make the conversation evolve so that this happens. Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen... With Natasha, they didn't really talk about feelings. Tony is a volcano of feelings and makes it look very simple when it comes to talking about it with Bruce. Not when he wants to talk to someone else. So, well, no one could really blame Bruce if he fails to realize his purpose of talking. Of feelings. Speak. Talk about feelings. Twenty-three, twenty-four ...

Except that, for some reason really very fortuitous, or because someone must have started playing with his destiny (which, as a good man of science Bruce will never say), well, an opportunity to talk about Thor's feelings concerning Jane introduces herself. Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two... And Bruce’s not ready for all this. And he hadn't even seen this come. Forty-five forty-six forty-seven... Which, now that he thinks about it, is stupid. Why would he think that finding himself in the same room with Jane and Bru and Sif and Thor and not having the idea of a conversation? Not offered by him, obviously, as by Jane herself, sitting next to Sif who keeps studying him as she always did, as if she didn't know whether to trust Bruce or not. Fifty-eight, fifty-nine ...

The truth is that the situation is quite embarrassing, without the conversation manifesting itself, but Bruce didn't find a way to disappear and go home, in front of the labs, when Bru put his arm on his shoulders and dragged him together with them to take ice cream, since, well, yeah, he promised it to Loki, right? And Loki had raised one side of her lips, without anyone realizing it. Bru said it. 

She’ll continue giving Bruce opportunities to really spend a lot of time with Thor, and Bruce will have to act sooner or later. Every so often, Brunnhilde ruffles Bruce's hair and laughs when he lowers his head and tries to smile. So. The ice cream. Seventy.

They all got ice cream. And now Bruce plays with his, in the glass cup, trying not to meet anyone's gaze. And he hopes to become invisible. To having to participate in the speech. Bruce tries to remain still, between the two siblings. Maybe it works. And Bruce counts to calm down. Seventy-nine, seventy-eight. 

Bru moves Thor to one side to shake Bruce’s hair again, making him move nervously, almost startled. Bruce has lost count. His eyes are wide. He's losing control. He should -he should start counting again to regain control -he should... Bruce laughs. Thor moves immediately. He pulls himself forward and rests his elbows on the table, to create a barrier between Bruce and Bruce. Because he saw him. His face. Bruce closes his eyes and calls himself an idiot. He knows -consciously, he knows that Bru would never hurt him. He knows. He knows. Bru laughs a little more. She doesn't give his behavior too much weight and, with a bit of guilt, because with Thor who acts as a barrier he really feels safer, and a pinch of nervousness due to the situation, Bruce returns to focus on Jane and Sif. He shakes his hand around the spoon and keeps moving the vanilla ice cream that is slowly melting. He doesn’t immediately realize that he has stopped counting.

"... and we asked ourselves: and what about Thor?" Jane finishes, clearing her throat. She also seems to be moving his legs, for some strange reason, but Bruce really wants to concentrate only on his ice cream. Loki is theatrically holding back a laugh, because this must be -it must be his favorite topic. Knowing two-thirds of his brother's important ex-girlfriends are in a relationship with another one-third of his important ex-girlfriend and Bru amuse her. "So we want to be sure you're okay."

"Because the three of them are together," Loki reiterates, with the ice cream spoon in her mouth. "Like, the three of them. All three of them are together and happy. All three. Between them."

Thor gives her a quick glance, before nodding, as if his sister had just explained something very important to him and was not kidding him. Bruce sighs.

Sif rolls her eyes, Bruce can see her only because he has dared to look up for a fraction of a second, before returning to want to be invisible. Sif snorts. "And we want to be sure, before witnesses, that you went ahead." Her voice is bored. Monotonous. Bruce frowns and glances to his left, but his panicked gaze only meets Thor's arms, which has blocked all contact with Bru. Bru. Brunnhilde who has certainly orchestrated all this. Brunnhilde. oh no. Bruce passes a hand over his face and now yeah, yes, definitely, he would like to be swallowed by a chasm under the ground and never come back. Why do they take those points on WikiHow literally? Jane theatrically clears her throat, making him frown. Oh. Oh. Thor didn’t answer.

Thor awakens from his torpor, casting a quick glance at the three girls. "Ah" begins. "Ah, yes, of course. I'm the biggest fan of this relationship. Are you -happy and… like you said, Bruce? He asks clearing his throat, lowering his head towards him.

Bruce closes his eyes, before straightening his back and muttering: "Beautiful, strong and courageous" he mutters, stroking the back of his neck. Thor smiles at him, then returns to the girls, with a smile perhaps more embarrassed, but that does not leave to think that he is lying. At least until...

"As for me, Jane and Sif have been, and I hope they will still be, an important part of my life. In a platonic way. And I admire you and respect you -with respect. And I'm happy to assure you that…” Thor clears his throat and glances at Bruce. And there's something mechanical in his tone, in the way his arms are laid one on top of the other on the table, in the way he says what he's saying. The words are studied. Bruce turns completely towards him. It all sounds like a lie, now. Or anyway, a speech made to hide a truth. "I'm ready to go further, too. And I feel emotionally available. "

This is starting to get even weirder. It is absurd. Bruce keeps staring at him and Thor does that thing he usually does when he imitates his expression. Show your teeth in a smile. A premeditated smile. Bru nods several times, looking out to be able to see Bruce from beyond Thor's arms and raises a thumb as if this strange speech must have fixed something. Jane strokes the bridge of her nose. And Bruce perhaps would have understood what was wrong, with his gaze passing over all the expressions of those present and his arched eyebrows. Maybe. Perhaps he’s close to finding the solution to this mystery.

But Loki drops her glass cup on the table with a slap, making the melted ice cream fall. Bruce turns to the girl, who shrugs, before returning to eat. "I'm here too," she mutters, as if this could be an excuse. And Bruce would love not to do it, but he snorts a laugh. Loki, in her being Loki, here, yes, she’s  _ normal _ .

  
  
  
  
  
  


Tony is fixing the coffee machine, even if it wasn't broken, with an absent gaze and this is one of the two main reasons Bruce takes off his lab glasses and leaves them on the desk, sitting on Tony's work table, and flapping his hand once on the lacquered wooden platform to get his attention.

It works.

Tony blinks quickly looks up at him. He looks like a person who has just woken up from a dream. Tony doesn't seem to have any clue where he’s, what he's doing, why he's doing it. But he smiles anyway. "What?" He asks. "What have I...?"

Bruce shakes his head. Tony stops immediately, waiting for him to say something. He studies Bruce. He observes him. Tony's definitely here again.  How do people get out of the present without going crazy? "He hasn't overcome it," Bruce announces. It doesn’t take him so many preambles. It doesn't take long to say. "Thor" Bruce continues. "Thor is not really available." He plays with his fingers, bringing it to his lap and thinning his eyes, as if there were some clues in front of him, something he has seen and could re-evaluate at this moment, to understand what is happening. "There's something..." he begins to mutter. "There is something weird. Not in him not being emotionally available. I'm talking about... in general. It's strange. He’s weird."

"And you -didn't you tell Thor that it seemed strange to you?" Tony asks him, with furrowed eyebrows. From the tone, it seems that there should not even be the need to ask this question. Something tells Bruce that the right answer would be an annoyed yes. But Bruce turns his head towards him.

“Should I?” He asked.

Tony runs his hand over his forehead, smearing it with oil. "Well, yeah," he replies with a snort. "You and Thor are friends. That's what friends do. Talk." He remains silent. For a few seconds, there is no noise inside their laboratory, only the noise of the people in the corridors, who laugh, joke, talk. Bruce blinked slowly and Tony snorted a laugh. "Really," he assures him. "Normally when a friend is weird, well -if you're worried about him, Bruce, you tell him." He smiles at him. "Because, ugh, that's what friends should do. This is what friends do. They try to be there. Not to let you have a bad evening alone, right? So, my old wise Jedi advice about relationships -I just invented it but I have to say that as a nickname I could be fine. What do you say, B? Would it do me good? Are you your old Jedi Master on relationships? Ah, yes, I thought, I was saying. My advice is to put our mission to understand Thor's feelings for a few days and let you focus on Thor's feelings in general. As a friend. Which would still be what you are. I mean. Even if the plan stolen from WikiHow will be successful, an important thing I think is to keep in mind that first, you are friends. Because it’s your base, isn’t it? So it might as well be to be good friends first, and then all the rest.” He lifts one shoulder and then shakes his head. He's laughing at himself. "Think about how wise I can be, stealing fortune cookie phrases, or with teen magazines quotes."

Bruce smiles at him. Half of the things he said follow a trajectory of his own thinking, which must not necessarily be understood. And it is possible that he would have succeeded in arriving at the same solution alone. But talking is definitely liberating. Listening to others giving advice is new, but also very familiar. And Tony is trying hard to be there. Even for this reason, he feels decidedly lucky. "Hey, Tony" he calls him. And when Tony looks up, Bruce puts his hand on his wrist and presses it gently. "Thank you."

"Eh. Of course," the boy replies. "If I don't share this wise side with you, who can I share it with? Rhodey is on a mission." He shrugs and Bruce looks down, feeling slightly guilty. Already. Yes, it's true. Rhodey is on a mission.

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Why didn't you tell Thor?" Loki asks him, fiddling with this old book he must have found on a shelf of some distracted University professor.

Bruce makes a face, while the boy, sitting in front of the auditorium with his legs crossed, tries to keep his gaze up. Bruce brought Loki some fruit. Enough to know Loki will not die of hunger while pretending to stay at home.

Loki has been doing it for months. He pretends to go to the Dripstore, only to turn left and go into lessons he understands and doesn’t understand the arguments, without bringing anything, not food, not money, sometimes not even an umbrella. 

And Bruce saw him, the first time, while Loki was moving from the library to his lab and Loki seemed to be lost, he didn't seem to know where he was going or why. Loki is alone. He seemed above all alone. So Bruce started treating him like one of the stray cats. Bruce brings Loki food, water, then leaves. He doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t even give him a lecture. Bruce only brings him food. He observes Loki. So yes, it's a good question. Because Bruce hasn't said anything to Thor yet. A question that needs a well thought out answer.

Loki keeps his chin up high. He didn't touch the papaya Bruce laid on his backpack. Loki is waiting for an answer.

The truth would also be quite simple. Until he tells Thor, Bruce knows Loki is here, somewhere, that he’s findable. If he told his older brother -how likely is it that Loki stays around? How could he say the kid is safe? Of course, this is not exactly an answer that can give a child. So it's not the answer Bruce will give. But he can't lie. Bruce doesn’t want to lie.

He sighs. He strokes his forehead and would like to feel a little less heavy than he actually feels. Bruce sits next to Loki, who moves to the side, probably not to be touched. The similarities with stray cats, instead of decreasing, increase. Bruce observes the child, lets him spend a few moments before returning to speak. However, he's not in a hurry. He never is. Bruce likes this University. There is a turtle that has known Charles Darwin, the University is near the sea and blows a light breeze during the hottest hours that makes him feel, for some reason, at peace with himself, and the University gives him time. Time to do whatever he wants to do. Time to count. And breathe. "Why are you coming here?" He finally asks, shaking his head.

Loki frowns. He’s irritated by the question that was offered as an answer and clenches his fists. Loki wants to have the last word. He still wants to be a winner. "Who is Natasha?" He wants to have control. But he wouldn't know what to do with it once he got it.

Bruce laughs softly. It’s such an approach from the middle schooler that he cannot fail to make him tender. "Who is Sygin?" Bruce asks with a half-smile, and to see how the boy pulls back, looking down at the red tiles and adjusting his backpack, to be able to take his papaya is fun, but also soothing. They remain silent. Loki is firm in his desire to keep a point that does not exist, he uses silence as a weapon and Bruce enjoys only the sun which isn’t as aggressive as it has been in recent months. Silence never scared him.

Bruce doesn’t know why Loki decides, sometimes, to camp in hidden places of the University. He knows that this hiding and being found by Bruce must be something like a game. A way to remind Bruce that he is there, that he must be seen, that he must be remembered.

The first time -well, the first time, Loki was shown on purpose, it was a bit his bait, a revealing some cards, just to intrigue him and then entice him to play with him. Then he must have wondered if Bruce would look for him. Starting something, a game, a conversation, a relationship, as much as a person can do it, makes them vulnerable. Maybe Loki comes here more often than Bruce thinks. Maybe there are days he just doesn't find him and Loki stays in a corner, without water, without food or even money, waiting for someone to come for him. And yet Loki comes back. Yet he comes back. Because he wants to be found. From Bruce. Why does he want to be found by Bruce? Why? Of all the people, just by him?

Because they are alike.

"You shouldn't miss so much," he says. "The middle school time is the most beautiful time in a person's life. Don’t you think?"

Loki snorts. "And what do you know?" Which is quite right. Bruce hated middle school and when he was offered to skip a year -it was the best day of his life. So, technically, he didn't lie. The day is a time, an interval of time and... Bruce shrugs. Stands up. Now that he thinks about it, sitting down wasn't a great idea, he must look like an idiot now. Okay.

"And what do I know?" He replies, waving to Loki, to go back to the laboratories. Loki shakes his head. He must think indeed, what does he know? And that makes Bruce smile, for some reason.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s strange how, in a little less than a year, Bruce created habits that concern other people and that he doesn’t find suffocating, that he doesn’t find oppressive. And he likes them. They relax it. He enjoys it. And It’s not yoga. A year ago - exactly a year ago - he was sitting at his desk, surrounded by papers, pencils, and chaos. Alone. And now he is crouching beside bushes of his own free will. In New York, or in Ohio, it was already so much if he saw the sun, perhaps twice a day, through his window. Now he goes hunting for grasshoppers.

Bruce raises his arm to get Thor's attention. "I found one!" He announces, without raising his eyes from the ground. When Thor moves quickly towards him, balancing on one knee. here, the grasshopper leaps away, under Bruce’s falsely frustrated gaze. "You made it run away," Bruce mumbles, turning to the other one, who holds his hands together, probably to be able to hold something inside them. He smiles at him in the way the children smile when they are about to do something particularly spiteful.

When Thor opens his hands, the grasshopper that he held between them jumps away, towards Bruce, who instinctively pulls back, closing his eyes forcefully. Thor laughs. Bruce snorts, before smiling. "You made it run away," Thor tells him and Bruce pushes him slightly away, which makes him laugh even more as he sits down. "I was wondering what we could do with it after catching it, the grasshoppers. Do vegetarians eat insects? "

Bruce frowns, with an amused tinge. "No?" He answers, tilting his head. The truth is that it never occurred to him to eat insects. Not before now. He personally doesn't think he can do it. Grasshoppers are also living beings. But perhaps other vegetarians would do it. You never know in life, as Jennifer says.

"Is it a question?" Asks Thor. He looks up. He smiles to the sky and Bruce bites his lower lip.

"Thor" calls him, clearing his throat and when their eyes meet, he remains in silence for a few seconds, searching for words, trying to figure out which approach would be the best to face the situation. He nods slowly. Perhaps there is no approach. The problem that Bruce has with the feelings of others is that he understands them, he really understands them very well. He spent so much time studying his father's expressions, trying to figure out how not to make him angry, how not to irritate him, or trying to figure out when he had to protect himself, when he had to run away, run as fast and as far as possible, that has absorbed every interpretation of the expressions, every indication of an imminent danger. He doesn't know what to do with it, though, when it comes to other people other than his father. There are not (someone who wants to hurt him) a stop sign. He doesn't know how to behave, what he should do once he understands. He sighs. "Is something wrong?" He asks, lowering his eyes.

Thor frowns. He doesn’t seem to understand. But then his lips open in a sweet smile, while with one hand he covers Bruce's hand. It’s an affectionate gesture. Reassuring. These gestures, Bruce fails to foresee them. "My friend," Thor tells him. "How could anything go wrong when I'm with you?" These words, Bruce can't foresee them. He loses a beat. He loses two beats.

Then Bruce rolls his eyes and smiles. "Ah, okay" he replies, because he wouldn't know how else to answer.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_SHOW YOUR INTEREST_ **

_ Insinuates the interest you have towards them. This friend of yours must know that you respect them and that you really believe that one day they would be an ideal romantic partner. It's a subtle clue, but clear enough, because they will understand what you think of them. _

  
  
  


After the failure of his statement, which response was a very embarrassed  _ okay _ , Jane, fiddling with her cup, with a distracted air, told Thor to observe at how the people who love Bruce show him their affection. And Thor shrugged his shoulders and said to himself, well, yeah, why not?

Tony has a different way of showing his affection for Bruce. It’s thinner, less noticeable. It's he putting the alarm clock in a clock and nodding with a crooked smile which means _ I have to go to a friend _ . It's him having water bottles everywhere they go even if he doesn't drink in the laboratory. It’s the lying on the floor and dragging Bruce down with him, to look at the ceiling and talk talk talk.

Thor watches them in silence, from behind the bar. Bruce points to calculations on paper, Tony holds his eyebrows together and nods. There is no striking gesture when it comes to him. There is only that background affection that you know is there but you don't notice it, which would be missing if it wasn't there. So what to do? What detail do you steal from their relationship?

And Tony looks up at Bruce and puts his hand on his shoulder. "It's a brilliant idea", Thor hears him say and pauses, Tony lets Bruce roll his eyes and communicate with his body language an  _ ah, of course, as if you hadn't already thought of it _ . Tony hugs Bruce, then. It’s not an instinctive hug, like those of Brunnhilde, it’s not even a well thought out hug. Bruce puts his chin on Tony's shoulder and sighs with relief. His tension disappears. The always trembling hands keep trembling, but with less violence and his shoulders fall down, relax, while the heels of the feet stop going up and down in a nervous dance. "I'm very happy you speak my language," Tony continues, making Bruce laugh.

Thor blinks slowly and realizes that he has witnessed something important, even though he doesn't understand exactly what it is.

  
  
  
  
  


From above his guardhouse, with his eyebrows furrowed, Thor watches as Brunnhilde takes Bruce's head and holds her in his arms as he tries to break free. He moves his legs and arms violently. His face turns red. And these movements raises a lot of sand. Bruce puts all the strength he has in his body to get out of the way, but fails again and again. Brunnhilde laughs, his mouth open and his eyes on him. Only when Bruce claps his hand on the sand once, twice, three times, she lets him go, and laugh amused. "Sooner or later you'll be able to beat me," she says, patting his shoulder lightly. Then she looks up at Thor. Brunnhilde's eyes narrow, and she smiles at him with a small tinge of pain. Perhaps pity. She nods his head and Bruce turns to look at him, his glasses crooked and a smile between amused and embarrassed.

He raises his arm and waves it. Thor smiles and answers them, moving his hand to greet them. Brunnhilde says something, but Thor can't hear what. He sees Bruce shaking his head, though. "I'm focusing on something more important," he says. Thor sighs and must return to watch over the beach. There must be no one in Norway watching over the beaches. 

Thor says to himself that this way of showing affection for Bruce of Brunnhilde is not for him. Remember the way Bruce sometimes jumps to attention when she materializes behind him. It must be stressful. That is how siblings show affection. He can't use it, with Bruce.

  
  
  
  


Bruce sneezes and Thor shakes his head, telling him that he had told him he should have worn a heavier jacket.  _ Twelve degrees Celsius _ . Bruce rolls his eyes. He is telling him again he doesn't care much about what he calls cold. Because he doesn't think it's really cold. He saw the snow, he lived in the middle of it. Fascinating stories are those of the distant white-painted region of Ohio.

Thor raises his chin to look at the sky. It will not rain. The clouds are cirrus clouds. They are light tracks, but this doesn’t mean temperatures have dropped in a few days. They gave him the free month. His work as a lifeguard, well, he is on break, now he will have to move to the bar of Darwin University for a few months and this isn’t at all a problem precisely because of Bruce, sitting at the white table, with furrowed brows, that looks at his cup and then a few points beyond the bar. And the University bar, as it’s flanked by a decidedly nicer bar with lower prices, is almost always empty. Thor doesn’t understand the usefulness of keeping this bar open but, as has already been said several times, until the time is not too constrictive and the pay remains, for mysterious reasons, quite good, well, there’s no real problem. And when Tony and Bruce decide to come and keep him company, between one experiment and another, with the oil of the cars on his forehead, or with their aprons with strangely clean sleeves and everything else dirty, it seems to him that time passes faster.

"What did you do before?" Asks Bruce, placing his chin on his cupped hand while stirring the coffee. "I mean -before coming back. What did you do before you came back? "

Thor frowns. "Before?" He asks in turn, with his elbows on the counter and his arms crossed. Bruce returns to look straight into his eyes and looks serious. Sweetly serious, as if he wanted to know the answer but as if, if Thor decided not to answer -as if Thor shouldn’t justify himself. As if it were all right. Whatever his answer or no answer. "Before...?"

"Before having to return," he repeats. "What did you see? Where did you go? What -what did you want to do before coming back here? I don't think you ever really talked about it.” Bruce looks down for a few seconds, maybe because of the slight sense of guilt every time they talk about his parents. Of their death, actually. "Before. Places you've been to, people who..." He clears his throat, lifts one shoulder. He is struggling to maintain eye contact. Bruce seems to be struggling with the instinct to shake his head and say it doesn't matter, that they can safely change the subject and this must be because of the expression Thor is dedicating to him, even if he doesn't know exactly what this expression is. "Of what you saw."

_ Before  _ seems to be a very long time ago indeed. Thor curls his lips and tries to remember, to think about it. _ Before. _ "The ocean, I think," he replies after a few seconds. "I think I mostly saw the ocean. It was what interested me. Where he took me, I went.”

Bruce smiles from the side. "Like a pirate" he comments softly. He has sat down, he’s listening only to himself, sitting in a chair that is decidedly too high and on a counter that was never really used.

"Better than a pirate," exclaims Thor. "Because I could eat fruit and vegetables." And this joke earns him such a genuine smile that he’d like to see until his death again and again. "Actually, I made sure people on the boats ate fruit and vegetables. Professional distortions, I believe. And I studied. Marine Biology."

"Marine Biology?" Bruce frowns, but smiles. "In the middle of the ocean. With professional distortions. "

"Sure. It's one of the reasons I can take care of the nets on the coasts and talk to the whales."

"You don't talk to —"

"Do you want to hear how I talk to whales?"

"—whales. Please, no.” Bruce moves his hands in front of his face and laughs. "All right. Okay. I know. I know, I accept it, yes, okay, you talk to whales. Like Dory. 

"And I'm also very good."

"I don't doubt it," Bruce replies, shaking his head. He continues to look at him with those adoring eyes that make Thor’s knees weak. Ah. Maybe that's why he keeps himself on his feet thanks to the counter. "So how many whales -with how many whales did you talk with on the ships?"

"With too few" Thor replies with a small grimace. "The truth is very often the only thing you could see was the huge expanse of ocean. The flat surface, most of the time and the wind that caressed my beard... ah, yeah, at the time I had a long beard. "

"I don't believe it," laughs Bruce again, covering his lips. "You can't have it longer than this."

"I had" he responds proudly. "And I carried it. Together with one..." Thor points his head. "Two or three hats. Because in the middle of the ocean it's very cold. Three jackets. Four pants. I won't apologize because I protect myself from the cold, Bruce.” Bruce raises his hands, as if he didn't want to say anything. Thor decides to pretend to believe him. "Anyway. I didn't talk much, either. In the middle of the sea, everything is very quiet. And when we arrived at a port, the mainland seemed to be more beautiful, the people seemed kinder to me, and the houses definitely bigger. It was -good. I have visited many countries. For a short time, but I visited them. Some European countries, I started from there. From -from Norway.” He looks down. "I was also in the US, you know?"

"When?"

"Um, two or three years ago. The New Jersey port, it seems to me ...? Truly a bad place."

"Yeah, they do fight scenes for this in the TV series. Those on the underworld. "

"And it's dirty."

"Definitely dirty." Bruce nods slowly, then smiles. He closes his eyes for half a second. Then his smile widens. "Think if we met at the time. Even if it would have been quite unlikely, because I didn't go out much from the lab.” He holds up one shoulder, finds the thought amusing.

Thor doesn’t think it is amusing. It is not. Thor with a long beard and four hats on his head, the Thor who stared at the mass of water in silence for days. the Thor who was a little better than the pirates, was not exactly the best person in the world, on balance. Meeting Bruce -he can imagine it. A Bruce with crooked glasses that stares at the floor, because the floor according to him is interesting, for reasons perhaps not even related to science, which by chance ran around the streets of New York, alone, with his hands in his pockets. Thor wouldn’t see him. And what would be lost? Perhaps, there’s the possibility that they could have clashed, for some reason, and Thor would have chased him badly. Thor would hurt him. In some ways. Thor - _ that Thor _ hurt everyone. He clenches his fists. He pulls back slightly. And Bruce notices it.

“Hey," he calls, covering his hand with one of his. Compared to Thor’s skin, Bruce is decidedly pale. He doesn’t sleep. He has dark circles that make him look like a ghost sometimes. And the curls that revive his expressions. And Thor with a long beard couldn’t have appreciated that. "And what else did you see?" He asks gently.

"People with scurvy," Thor replies, shrugging. Bruce only lifts one side of his lips this time, as if his smile had been stopped by something. "I'm happy to be back, Bruce," he assures him. And it's true. It’s perhaps the truest sentence he ever uttered. He's happy he did it. Not happy about not having done it before. He is not happy to have left Loki alone for months at... but he is here. Now he's here. Really. And he is happy. "I'm not lying."

"And..." Bruce clears his throat once more. One hand passes quickly (the free hand, the other remains still on Thor's) on the forehead. "Have you ever thought of resuming your work at the hospital?"

Thor frowns. He looks at him intently. In the last few days, it seems to him that Bruce is hidden. Hidden in the way he speaks. Hidden in the way he shows his emotions. Hidden in his intentions. And if he too can accept that Loki, or Brunnhilde or even Sif, sometimes hide from him, that they try to convince him of things without him realizing it, even if he can accept that they don't speak to him clearly, he can't say the same thing about Bruce. Because it’snot in its nature. Bruce is not like that. "Why are you asking me these questions?" He asks him then, and that's where Thor realizes how close Bruce and he are. Because both get away a little bit. "Bruce..." Thor starts and feels shake his hand in a gentle warning.

_ Let me talk. _

"We..." Bruce wants to talk, but he can't find the words for a few seconds. He bites his lip, holds his eyebrows furrowed and holds Thor's hand tight, as if he were holding on to it, as if he was afraid that Thor could get up and leave before he listened to him. "We two are friends, aren't we? You take care of me. I realize. And maybe, I was wondering -maybe it's time you let me do the same thing.” He looks down. They are close again. Thor watches him. Bruce returns to not hide. Ah. It was this. It was -Bruce was trying to figure it out. To... reassure him. "I can stand it, you know, you don't have to talk about it, if you want to talk about it. And you never have with me -I can bear it, you want to vent. If you want."

"Do you ask these questions for this?"

Bruce does not respond immediately. He let time pass. He has to be thinking about an answer that is worthy of the question and when he finds it, he takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "If you want, I won't do them again. It was just because I wanted you to know.” Bruce keeps his eyes down. In Thor's head resound those words that just said again and again, that  _ you take care of me _ . He doesn't think he ever really did,  _ but you take care of me. _

Thor sighs, he runs his hand over his face.  _ You take care of me _ . And they are close enough, Thor could lay a hand on Bruce's cheek. Enough, he thinks -enough for Bruce to look back at him. Thor closes his eye and makes their fronts clash.  _ You take care of me _ . Here it is. They’re face to face, Thor's eyes are closed and he doesn't know what expression Bruce has at the moment, but he feels him breathing through his lips.  _ You take care of me _ . Bruce is not holding his breath.  _ You take care of me. _ He didn't even reject Thor. Bruce holds their hands together.  _ You take care of me. _ And Thor sighs, feeling the pressure of Bruce's forehead on his forehead.  _ Maybe it's time you let me do the same thing. _ Thor opens his eyes slowly.

"So I knew," he whispers, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb.

Bruce laughs softly, his eyes wide open, his hand trembling and his glasses slightly crooked. "So you knew" he repeated slowly.

  
  
  
  
  


There is a way to show Brunnhilde's affection that he likes and is practical for him. Let Bruce let you out. Physically. Thor looks at them. Bruce without glasses, Brunnhilde with furrowed eyebrows and a hand ready to defend face and chest. It’s rare he stops to watch them in the gym. Usually, their workouts are private, in a blue-floored ring and boxing gloves. 

Brunnhilde is very jealous of these moments spent with Bruce and not only because in those moments Bruce is in some way vulnerable, but because she is too. And only four people in this world can see it. None of the four people is Thor. But she’s making an effort. She’s striving to make Thor aware of their relationship, because she knows what he has to do, what he must not do, what he can talk about, what can happen if, by pure chance, it occurs to him to do something vaguely harmful in his comparisons. Thor is grateful and terrified. And relieved.

Bruce and Brunnhilde's training sessions began because they both had unresolved issues and no one who could understand how much these were rooted in them. In other words, they were the only ones who could give support to each other. Brunnhilde doesn't talk much about it. Bruce is perhaps less reluctant, but equally elusive when touching the subject. What is Thor looking at? It’s the result of months and months of work. He can only see the surface, as perhaps it’s right, and it is still more than what both have shown him in a long time about their relationship.

He’s there, sitting on the bench, with the weights in his hand, which pulls up and down and up and down and observes them.

At the end of each round, Bruce drinks from his bottle and Brunnhilde wipes the sweat just under his nose with his arm. And she laughs. She approaches him, passes her arm around her shoulders and sometimes drops Bruce’s water bottle from his hands. He tightens it briefly. Sometimes she tells him: "Good work, Champion." And they start again another round.

Thor keeps watching them. This detail-well, it's definitely interesting. Bruce's smile is interesting, fascinating, heartthrob, in those moments. Because he looks down, he seems to have his eyes closed, while he lifts both sides of his lips and looks happy. As if he had found his place in the world. And this -that expression Bruce has in those moments will not be a starting point, but a point of arrival. A point of arrival that he really likes.

  
  
  
  
  


"Why the boxes?" Asks Thor, looking around with furrowed eyebrows. Bruce looks up at him. He stands in front of his French windows and holds his hands in his pockets and gives him a blank look before smiling and tilting his head. He understood the reason for Thor's question. Then he shakes his head. "Do you have to go somewhere? Am I helping you - you have to go...? "

Bruce shrugs and dedicates one of the most beautiful, genuine and happy smiles that Thor has ever seen. He also shows his teeth. He slightly wrinkles his nose in a smile. "You're the first person to know" begins, walking slowly towards him. "No one else knows, okay? But -you know Tony and I are here just to finish the research Ph.D., right? And I'll finish it in about a year and -but I have to find a home here.” First, he opens his arms, like the one he just said was clear. And maybe -there’s the possibility that Thor has understood, but frowns anyway, he still makes a confused grimace. Because the possibility he has understood could be as couldn’t be and would he’d like to make any gaffes. Bruce nods slowly. "Darwin University offered me a job as a researcher. Stable researcher. Who lives permanently here. In Darwin. So I have to find a house st—“

Thor doesn't let him finish. Hugs him. He hugs him as bears do, with strength, with decidedly much happiness. And he hears Bruce laughing against his shoulder and then gently responding to the hug, placing his hands on her back. "Permanently" Thor repeats and lately he feels he’s doing nothing but repeat Bruce's words and feels a bit stupid, thinking about it, but he can't believe the words he just heard. It means for a long time. In this case, it’s a synonym of always, forever. And Bruce will remain in his city permanently. One step away from him permanently. "And have you already found a house?" He asks.

"No," Bruce replies in an amused sigh. "No, but, knowing me, I know I'll forget something, so I started packing up to have all the time... to pack, I guess." He stood on tiptoe to rest his chin on Thor's shoulder and Thor lows it a little, to be sure Bruce didn't make too much effort and to be able to keep hugging him a little more, before letting him go. Even when they move away, Bruce keeps his hands on Thor's arms. "Bru -I think that with the help of Bru it will not be a problem to find an apartment off campus. But  I think I will ask Jane for help. Or Tony. As long as he stays here. "

Thor frowns. Pull your face back. "Tony won't stay here?" He asks. Because it seems so weird to him. Bruce who doesn't have Tony in the lab. Tony who doesn't drag Bruce through the streets with the excuse of having an adventure. Bruce not holding Tony's head while he puke. It seems weird. It is weird. Dividing them doesn’t seem natural.

Bruce lifts one shoulder, looks down as when he feels guilty.  _ I don't know _ , it means.  _ I don't think so, _ he should admit.

  
  
  
  
  


Loki opens her mouth to eat a huge bite of steak and realizes too late this is actually too big, so she pours it out on his plate, pouting. Thor is not even eating, he stares at his plate first, then stares at Loki who keeps being Loki and then Thor stares at his plate again.

Bruce who stays in the city, changes the cards on the table. That's what he's thinking about. Not that he had no intention of going all the way, of knowing him, of loving him, of being with him, but Bruce who remains -gives Thor a hope he didn't have before. Clear the horizon of having to decide, not being able to be anywhere with the people he knows to need him, and with whom he wants to be. There’s no more hinterland and ocean. There’s the beach. The beach becomes a concrete, achievable option. Being here and even there, it becomes feasible. And Bruce remains. Thor no longer has to choose. Thor doesn’t have to be afraid of what has been and could be no more. It's all so complicated to explain, but simple. It's all simple in practice. It's as if everything had settled down.

"Do you like Bruce?" Thor asks Loki, toying with his fork.

"No," she replies as quickly as possible, picking up the knife, her brows furrowed. "He’s lame."

Thor smiles, resting his cheek on his closed hand. "So, actually, you like him."

"I said no" the girl chants, pulling her head back. She takes the knife in her hand to cut the steak. Not that Thor had left her a knife to do it, but he's not even surprised to realize that Loki has the ability to make dozens of them materialize from nothing.

"You know? I like him instead, ” Thor confesses, raising an eyebrow. "I like him a lot."

Loki puts the cutlery on the table and frowns. For a thousandth of a second, she stops to study his brother's expression, looking for some indication of a lie, some joke, even though Thor wouldn't understand a joke like that. Then Loki blinks and seems to be calculating. She looks lost. She seems betrayed. She swallows. "I don't care," mumbles, returning to focus on the steak.

"Loki, I the-"

"I said I don't care," she repeats, starting to eat again.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_Invite them to go out with you, but don't say it's a romantic date_ ** _. Instead, suggest them to go to the cinema, maybe you've done it before. If they ask you to go out with them the following weekend and then you call them to do something together, before you know it you'll find yourself dating like a real couple. _

 

During a day like all the others, it happens. A day when Bruce said,  _ well, yeah, why not, let’s go to the cinema together _ and Thor replied  _ I’d be honored  _ and Bruce didn't know which movie to choose and they found themselves seeing a movie with decidedly too many explosions and with flat characterizations. Bruce hated himself for it. But here, yeah, it happens at that moment the first time. Or the first time he realized it. Thor who laughed at the end of the film, smiled at him, tilted his head, leaned towards Bruce and left a kiss on his cheek before saying goodbye, saying Loki would hate him if he didn't immediately return home.

And Bruce stayed there, with the ghost of Thor's kiss on the cheek.

Is it -it happened other times? Bruce closes his eyes and sighs, biting his lips. Then he smiles. Right, yeah, he hadn't noticed. Thor is that expansive type of person. It can't be that it never happened before.

Except that no, it had never happened before.

  
  
  
  


Bru hands him a smoothie without delicacy, while he drinks from a glass her clear liquid, which must be apple juice or light rum. Bruce hopes so much that it's apple juice. "You and Thor" starts her, running a hand under her lip. "You're giving me a stomach ache. Every time I see you I’d throw up. "

Bruce laughs softly, running a hand behind his neck. "Um, I-I think I'm sorry," he replies, earning a glare from Brunnhilde. But he doesn't care, rather he prefers to fix the glass she has in her hands. He prefers it.

She bites the inside of her cheeks and doesn't know how the conversation should start, or, at least, how to make this conversation about how much he and Thor give her stomach pain and not about the liquid that might not be apple juice in her glass. But Bruce also knows that it is important to do so. For both. Or at least he believes it’s important for both. Then he snorts and tries to take all the courage he has in his body, before opening his mouth.

And he's going to talk. He swears, he's about to speak, but Brunnhilde slams the glass on the kitchen table and turns to him with a look made of fire. And Bruce has to look away. Look down. "I'm fine," she tells him and clears her throat. 

Bruce decides to look around, glances at those two boxes next to the sofa. He sees her frown. Is it possible that you didn't notice them before?

"It hasn't been two years yet" she whispers, going back to intertwine their eyes and at that moment she seems to be worried, saddened, perhaps, by the idea that Bruce can leave before the appointed time.

When Bruce packed his bags there, in New York, nobody looked at him like that. Maybe Jennifer. Jennifer looked at him with that look that meant she would miss him, that he should be back soon. Jennifer. Oh. Oh no. He hadn't thought about Jennifer. He bares his eyes and looks for the phone in his pocket, but every move is blocked by Brunnhilde's hand who takes his wrist.

"What is it, Bruce?" She asks in a low, calm voice. She uses his low, calm voice when she thinks that Bruce can lose control over himself. So Bruce must have the expression of who is losing control. Actually, it feels a little like this. Bruce forgot Jennifer. He forgot his cousin. Have you forgotten the only person who loved you all your life and how could he do it? "Do you have to go home, Bruce? Why?"

At this point, he can do nothing but blink. Bru said  _ home _ . Bru asked if he should  _ go home _ . And that's wrong because she said  _ go back _ . And, as incredible, fantastic, strong, compassionate and affectionate as Jennifer can be, here, she alone couldn't make Bruce feel at home. And he feels a little guilty about his thoughts. He has to tell her to come and see him a little more often, that he will do the same thing. But Jennifer is not home. So he sighs and shakes his head, smiling. "No" he answers. "No" he repeats, laying a hand on hers, to show her that he is fine. "I am already at home."

And this phrase, and his behavior make him gain an affectionate slap in the head and a roll of eyes. "You can bet" replies Brunnhilde, taking his glass in his hand and drinking the mysterious liquid in one gulp. He passes a hand over his lips, perhaps to dry them and repeats: "You can really bet on it."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It happens again. Bruce feels that there is something essentially different and he cannot but throw a weird look at Thor, who, after giving him this kiss on the cheek, has returned to strolling with a trot. And if Thor is so calm, maybe Bruce’s thinking about it too much. Maybe he's the one who's making things weirder than they normally are. Or maybe he ate too much pizza and now has a junk food frenzy. Except that it's impossible, because the restaurant they went to -this pizzeria is really pretty and a little far from the coast, it's not bad. It seemed to be a pizza -a not junk pizza, okay? So yeah, Bruce's probably just thinking about it too much. How stupid. Yeah, sure. He thinks too much. he has to let go of this weird flow of thoughts. That's enough. Stop. It must be just -just.

  
  
  
  
  
  


As much as you look for him, Bruce can't find Loki.

He has seen everywhere. The classrooms Loki seemed to like best, the little gardens, the study classrooms, the machines from which Loki sometimes looks at the snacks without being able to take even one, in the corridors of the laboratories and nothing. No thing. Nothing, nothing at all. Bruce runs a hand over his face and continues to walk, somewhere Loki must be here. Somewhere here, in the University, hiding from his brother who is definitely worried and looking for him in the streets of the city. But Bruce knows. He felt like a monster looking into Thor's eyes and saying he didn't have the faintest idea where his brother might have gotten himself, but he has to keep the secret just in these eventualities, and so he has to keep looking.

He climbs the stairs, then back down and then turns to the right, left, makes a complete turn. He also checked in the bar where Thor works. He looked at the bushes and the students. And then Bruce thought perhaps this disappearance of Loki must be  --is a message. And he got stuck in the corridors. A message. But not a message for Thor. Loki has this belief that he and Bruce are similar. And he hides in the university to be found  _ by Bruce _ , not by Thor, who instead doesn't even realize his... Because he has other ways to get his brother's attention. The game of dead fish. Call for help. The fake dagger. But hide-and-seek is a game that only Bruce plays. And if this time Thor has realized -Loki wants to talk urgently with Bruce.

The lab. His laboratory. Bruce starts running again. He has to dodge people, scream to the right, not think of shortness of breath and hopes that that kid is there, because he couldn't stand the idea of a child, hidden, waiting for someone to find him, and no one coming. Because he knows what it means to be that child.

And when he opens the door of his laboratory and sees Loki, on the swivel chair, playing with test tubes, looking bored, Bruce can do nothing but sigh with relief, putting his hand to his chest, before approaching him with a: "Your brother is worried for you." Who comes out a little angrier and disappointed he’d like, but Bruce can't really do anything about it if he feels that way right now. Because he can understand. But he cannot accept it.

Loki turns around slowly. And he's angry too (obviously). He keeps his eyes on him with a grimace that seems to be hurt. Only Bruce doesn't know what he could ever do to hurt him. "Go away" he hears Loki say, with clenched fists and a snarl on his lips.

And it’s at this point that Bruce realizes that he has to sit down and make sure Loki really explains himself, without running away, as he usually does, without saying things halfway. Bruce has to make an effort to make Loki strive. He has to say this: Bruce loves the people he has learned to know here, but they’re all so reluctant to talk about their feelings they’re absurd. Had they learned anything from Tony -Tony doesn’t say everything, he just says to keep talking and talking and talking about everything they have in-depth as if it were all on the surface instead. Well. That's a good skill, but, well, not even Bruce learned it, despite having been a friend of Tony Stark's for a very long time.

So Bruce snorts. He sits next to Loki and rests his elbows on the work surface. "Where should I go from?" He asks wearily.

Loki pulls the sides of his lips down and his chin trembles. There's a clock in the lab. Not that Tony and Bruce really need a watch, but it's there. It ticks when they both are silent, is a compromise to absolute silence, which is sometimes destabilizing, alienating. And now the clock ticks softly, measuring Loki's silence. Bruce runs his hand over his face, dropping his glasses and, in any case, it doesn't matter for now, even if he can't see so well. "Who is Natasha?" The boy asks, turning to him.

Bruce sighs. He must strive to remember that Loki is not a person who speaks much about feelings. Loki talks about his jokes. He talks about Sygin. Loki also speaks of Aboriginal mythology. But he does not speak of himself. The subject of knowing oneself’s not clear to him. It’s not clear what he means. And Loki's essentially a child. This time, he’s not asking this question to win any discussion. You must put the points together. Try to understand.

Bruce touches the bridge of his nose. "Natasha and I were together when I was in New York," he replies. He’s trying to get the words out right. Bruce should send a message to Thor and tell him that Loki is fine. He has to do it, take his cell phone.

"And why were you together and not being together anymore?" Loki asks him, in a slightly higher voice.

Bruce thought he wanted to talk to him about Thor. Loki came because he wants to talk about their relationship. Which is tender. Even a little annoying, since he could do it without making his older brother worry, who didn't see him coming home after dark. And yet Bruce is no longer angry. He calmed down. He finally understood, he accepted. This is Loki's way of communicating. "I don't want to go back to New York, Loki," he assures him.

"I never asked for anything like that," the boy replies, pouting. "Why are you not together anymore?"

"Because..." Bruce usually doesn't talk much about Natasha. And he's sure Natasha doesn't talk much about him. Because the truth is that there isn’t much to say. They have been together and then they were no more. It was a period of their life that passed and they were more friends than a real romantic couple. They had a similar relationship to what he now has with Bru, if he has to think about it. Only that Bru is more expansive, she thinks less about things. Natasha was always calculating. And even Bruce was always calculating. But Natasha was certainly not the reason he left New York. Or the reason it's so good being here.

That feeling of emptiness, accompanied by the feeling of being a danger to oneself and to others, that preference to remain closed at home, rather than walking in the streets, that feeling of gray speed of passers-by, of gloomy unhappiness and frustration, those are the reasons Bruce has agreed to finish his Ph.D. in another country. That he liked Australia so much was not planned. That he found his home was just an example of serendipity. Just because he left Ohio and New York first, doesn't mean he could ever think of leaving Darwin.

But surely these things cannot be said to a twelve-year-old boy. Not like that. Not when he's reassuring him that he's not the kind of person that normally goes away. So Bruce remains silent for a few moments. He tries to put your thoughts in order, to understand what the best answers are. And he doesn't answer.

Loki turns to him, with a sneering smile, almost bad. "I'm sure she left you, right?" He says, his head tilted. "You should do everyone a favor and go and pray for them to get you back. Because you're always in our ways. With your face and then your stupid -and your stupid sweaters and your stupid hair and your stupid way of doing things. So really, you should go back to where you came from, because you're the most irritating person I've ever met. And I hate you, And I want you to go away.” He snorts from his nose, crosses his arms, raises his chin.

Bruce has to close his eyes and breathe in slowly. He knows how to respond to this. "I too have become attached to you."

"I don't have but-"

"I'm very fond of you," says Bruce. "And I don't know why you're so scared... by Natasha, but -I plan to stay, okay? Even if you call me stupid with stupid glasses. Which is a very weak insult, by the way. I expect worse from you." Bruce smiles, but Loki just looks away, shaking his head. "I'm not going anywhere, all right? I know what it means, okay?, to be an orphan, to have been alone for a long time. I know what it feels like. And maybe I'm not your brother, but I care about you just enough to tell you that you can keep playing hide and seek here as many times as you want. Whatever happens. I will be here. And you don't have to worry about it, okay? Because I will find you all the time, okay? "

The boy bites the inside of his cheeks and turns his eyes. "Liar" whispers. He looks into his eyes when he says: "Thor always ruins everything." And then he tightens his fists even more and is angry. He's too angry. "I want you to go," he repeats.

"Loki..." begins Bruce, only -he realizes he doesn't know how to continue the sentence. And there's the clock ticking again. Loki looking down and only seems to be angrier. More wounded.

“I want to go home,” Loki says after some time. “Take me home.”

  
  
  
  


Loki pushes Thor away, freeing himself from his hug. He glances at him and Bruce and a wave of anger seem to take over his body. Loki takes a deep breath, seems to want to say something, but then decides to leave. He doesn't say a word. He’s furious, only he probably doesn't know why.

"Loki," Thor calls him, stepping forward, as if trying to chase him, and Bruce stops him, placing a hand on his arm. He shakes his head. He must let him go, for now.

Loki is still angry and has to learn to feel his feelings. He must learn to understand them, because it’s difficult for others to understand, if he doesn’t do it himself. And this? This is a painfully lonely path. And Loki is a child who had a loss before his teenage years. He holds a grudge against his unique pseudo-parental figure. And it's all way too complicated. But it’s right to give him his space. Bruce knows this. It’s right that Loki feels this way, that he has time. That is what he missed. Time. Space for his emotions.

Thor snorts, resting his forehead on Bruce's shoulders. "What did I do wrong this time?" Bruce hears him whisper and has to struggle with the instinct to take his head in his hands and tell him  _ nothing. You didn't do anything wrong, you were perfect, you did what you had to do. It's not your fault _ . But he doesn't know how much this could fix the matter. "I was careful. I listened to him, I let him carry on the farce of our mother still at home, I... "

Bruce strokes his hair, looks down. "There's nothing wrong with you," he whispers.

"He will never forgive me," Thor continues quietly. "My only brother, my only sister, will never forgive me. And I have nothing without Loki, I have nobody. Nothing to lose. He’s my only family and he will never forgive me. "

Bruce continues to stroke his head, running his fingers over his hair, softly, gently. Thor is bent over him, seeking emotional support by making it physical. Bruce closes his eyes. Under his hands, Thor could collapse at any moment and he's not going to let him do it. With one hand he holds his head through caresses and with the other he takes his arm, slowly, so that he doesn’t realize the gesture. Bruce is trying to turn physical support into emotional support. "He has already forgiven you," he says softly. "I've never seen two siblings in the world love each other so much as you do. Loki has already forgiven you. "

"How could he?" Replies Thor and the vowels of the sentence come out louder, less controlled. Bruce tightens his grip on his arm, lets it slip away, without his voice knowing it’s all right. "He was alone. We lost a father, but we were together when it happened. We lost our mother and I wasn't with him. I abandoned a child. I left him alone... "

"You could never have known," says Bruce, frowning.

"But I should have known" is Thor's answer. Bruce hears him pull out a broken sigh, followed by broken breathing, while their holding each other slowly becomes a hug. Thor's arms go up on Bruce's back as if he were holding on to him and he feels his nose sink into the curve of his neck, perhaps to hide his suffering expression. "I should have been there. I couldn't say goodbye to my mother out of selfishness. And today -today I was terrified of being left alone. Alone again. Forever alone. And I don't... I couldn't -I can't accept... alone... I don't... "

"You'll never be alone," interrupts Bruce. He takes Thor’s head in his hands, now yeah, he could not stop any instinct, Bruce has to be sure that Thor looks at him, that he understands that he’s serious, that there’s no reason in this world for which he would lie, not to him, not Bruce. Thor's face has some sign here and there due to the force with which Thor has stood up to Bruce, and his eyes are watery and he cried, because Bruce's neck is a little wet, and it's all between his hands. Bruce presses their foreheads together, as Thor did some time before, and closes his eyes. "You will never be alone" he repeats. "Because your brother loves you more than he can understand. And I'm there. And Sif, Bru, Jane. Beldar, Heimdall, Volstagg and -I always forget Hogun. And therefore you will never be alone. You have to tell me you understood it. Thor. You have to tell me: I know I am not and I will not be alone. "

Thor sighs, lowers his head a little. "I know" he begins to say slowly, in a low voice. "I know I won't be alone."

"And you know that whatever you do wrong," continues Bruce. "You can always be redeemed." Take off their foreheads, stand up on their toes, even if in reality he doesn't need to do it, and kisses his forehead. Then he smiles, returning to his heels. "It's a beautiful thing about being human. We can make mistakes and make us forgive indefinitely. Ask the Catholics.”

"You are agnostic" Thor laughs softly.

"Atheist" Bruce corrects him. Then he shrugs. Today he and the Odinsons have had far too much to do with emotions by Australian standards. "Anyway, you have to repeat it."

Thor tilts his head in his hands and smiles wearily. "And whatever I do..." He closes his eyes, probably to remember his sentences, then makes an apologetic smile.

"Whatever you do wrong you can always be redeemed. It's a beautiful thing about being human. "

"How did you remember it all? Exactly what was it like?" Thor asks in a slightly lower voice, as if the question wanted a secret in response. "Is it a spell?"

Bruce snorts a laugh, but he also nods. "Of course it's a spell. Now you have to repeat it, though."

"Whatever I do wrong I can be redeemed." He stops, Bruce observes, beginning to suggest the following phrase with the lip, while stroking his cheekbones with his thumb. And Thor then lifts one side of his lips. "It's the beautiful thing about being human."

They press the foreheads against each other again. Thor's hands also travel to Bruce's face and frame him, as if the mere pressure of part of their face isn’t enough to be sure of Bruce's presence. "Hey," Bruce calls him.

"Hey," replies Thor.

"Now you have the spell to forgive you" he whispers. And then, after a few seconds. "And I love you. I think we could make an exception to the rule. I think we could make hot chocolate. I don't think if Frigga will be angry at you for this."

"Okay," Thor answers in a whisper.

"Okay," Bruce replies.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Don't get out of the blue. He will probably get scared and want you to stay friends. Go easy. _

 

"You definitely have so many things," Thor snorts, holding a gilded, dust-filled statue.  _ Karate boy most enthusiastic year 1999/2000 _ . Not the best, the most enthusiastic. He raises his arm to show it to Bruce pointing to the box with the writing on it to throw away. It’s the only full box. "Why did you bring it here if you wanted to throw it away?"

"I didn't bring him here. It was Jennifer," Bruce replies, with a vague gesture of his hand. "She thinks it's good to remember positive things from my childhood, I think. Loki, you may not, please?, that computer is important. "

Loki lifts one side of her lips. "So it would be a shame if it fell and broke."

"I would say yes. I would say that it would be a pity for you too. "

"Why me too? It's not mine."

"But I could get some nice malware into your laptop," Bruce replies with a smile that is decidedly too sweet to be accompanied by a threat. "And finally we'll find out why you're always in your room alone." He tilts his head and Loki loses her good mood all of a sudden. She leaves the laptop alone and snaps the tongue against the palate.

Thor laughs softly, returning to the flood of objects on the living room floor. "Where did you keep all this stuff hidden?"

"Under the bed," Bruce replies, raising a shoulder. "Anyway, thanks for coming to help. I asked Bru, but she told me that such a thing would have done it only for Sif or Jane. I don't have their own benefits. "

Thor gives him a blank look before shaking his head and coming to his senses. The implications of the sentence are -but he shouldn't think about it anyway and he's here because he really wants to help Bruce. No double ends. He also brought Loki for this. And, even if it were, it’s certainly not so that he should woo -... Thor has just realized something. He followed many of the many steps of the site recommended by Brunnhilde with regard to courtship, but he never really courted Bruce. Oh. Oh. What an idiot. He collected the information and never acted. How could he...? He has to make up for it. At least think about how to fix it. There must be a site where they explain step by step how to court the person you love in a few simple steps. WikiHow...?

"Today I saw some grasshoppers come out of the bushes," says Bruce. "We could go hunting later."

"Looking for grasshoppers? How old are you? Three?"

"I would be delighted" Thor hastens to answer instead. "I'm sure my sister has better things to do later."

Loki gives him a wary look and then Thor points with his eyes to Bruce, too busy trying to throw away eighty percent of his past to realize the silent discussion between the two siblings. Loki growls at him. Thor joins his hands as if he were praying to her. Loki looks down and clenches her fists. Thor murmurs a  _ please _ . Loki rolls her eyes.

"Yes," she mutters. "It's true, Thor. To your misfortune, today your sister has better things to do than to be with two old men. "

Bruce snorts a laugh. "Old men" repeats in a low voice, pulling old notebooks into the box with the writing on it to be thrown away.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Only that Bruce falls asleep. At first Thor doesn't even realize it, he keeps trying to understand with what logic to throw or keep the old trophies of spelling competitions, or some cockade of some Science Fair and when he turned to him, because they can’t keep filling up boxes to be thrown away, Thor found Bruce with his head resting on the couch and his eyes closed and his lips slightly open.

Thor passes a hand over Bruce’s forehead, to move the curls that fell on his eyes and then smiled, with a smile. 

_ He’s in the period when he sleeps a lot _ , Brunnhilde warned him. It seems that sometimes, after training, he has to drag himself from one side of the gym to the other, to stay awake, and has to take double the coffee. Tony told him Bruce often falls asleep in the lab and explained to them that it's normal. It is as normal as his trembling hands and his continual thirst and as when, at times, he has those flight of ideas, which make him talk for hours and hours. It's all normal. Bruce is fine. It's just that the lithium salts are stabilizers and Bruce is taking them only recently and then these fluctuations from a lot of activity to very little -as long as he keeps taking his medication, he’s fine. It's more complicated than it sounds, but it's even simpler than they think. Bruce is fine and he's still Bruce. This is an important thing. Tony kept on emphasizing this part of the speech. Whatever happens, Bruce is always Bruce. Tony probably doesn't want Brunnhilde or Thor to make his own mistakes. 

Thor makes sure that Bruce rests his head on him, to be able to take him in his arms and bring him to his bed.

Bruce Banner, thinks Thor, is like the Tasmanian devil. He laughs softly as he thinks, as he tries to open his bedroom door with his feet. Looking at it now seems to be the most innocent and harmless being on the whole planet. With his eyes closed, his breathing heavy, his neck uncovered, he seems to be defenseless. And then, instead, here, he has the most powerful bite on the whole planet. It's fascinating. It's something Thor loves.

The bed is untidy, there are also various notebooks on the floor, some loose sheets scattered on the furniture and on the sheets. It’s difficult to decide to put Bruce down in such chaos. But Thor has to do it. Bruce curled up in one side of the bed immediately, sighing and then snorting. Thor decides to collect the sheets from above the bed, grouping them on a pile beside the bed, and then covers Bruce with the sheet he discovered to be purple, underneath all those notebooks.

And Thor kneels beside Bruce. He’d like to say that he doesn't do it to be able to admire Bruce's face one last time, but it’d be a lie. And he’d like to say that he doesn’t come back to caress Bruce face, to move his curls aside. He’d like to say he isn’t contemplating Bruce. That he is not thanking Anyone Who Has To Thank For because Bruce has decided to stay, because he brought home Loki, because Thor met Bruce, that first time on the beach while he was looking at the sand with a grasshopper in his hands, confused, because Bruce smiled that first time. Thor is thanking Anyone Who Has To Thank for the first time that Bruce tilted his head and told Thor that he was kind and made him feel for the first time in months something that was not guilt, loss, remorse. Tho’d like to say he’s not doing it. But that's what he's doing, with his head tilted, and he sees Bruce's hand takes his hand and press it against his cheek, despite keeping his eyes closed, with a smile.

"Thanks" Thor hears Bruce muttering with a thick voice.

And there are definitely many ways to respond.  _ No problem _ is the most used way.  _ Don’t mention it. Don’t worry. For so little? _ Or, perhaps the best in this situation,  _ for what? _ There are so many ways of saying to respond to a simple thank you. Thor, however, opts for a not so simple and not so used: "I'm in love with you." Then he closes his eyes and realizes what he just did.

Bruce, however, doesn’t let go of his hand. "Okay," he mutters, settling himself on the pillow and slowly opening his eyes. "So am I. With you."

Thor takes a little while to understand. But he does. And loses a breath. Then two. And he laughs, which is the worst thing to do if you lose your breath. Because Bruce has... "Okay," he says, because he doesn't know what else he should say, or do, or how to move right now. And it seems pretty stupid, but it doesn't matter now. It's not what matters. Not now. Their hands slide over the mattress, in their midst and he stretches his neck to rest his forehead on Bruce's, sighing a further laugh because, okay no, he didn't believe it could have been so simple.

"Okay," Bruce repeats softly.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Be honest and open. In all relationships, sincerity and dialogue must be cultivated. At the right time, explain what you feel. If they is the ideal person for you, things will evolve for the best on their own. _

 

Bruce wakes up suddenly, sitting up in bed and out of breath. He has to open his mouth to ensure that as much oxygen as possible enters his lungs and turns his head towards the window, realizing the rain beating against the glass and lightning. a peal of thunder echoes through the air and he pulls his knees towards his chest, regaining control. He’s thirsty. He's also a little hungry. And he has to slide off the bed, he has to go to the kitchen and... there's a bottle of water on the bedside table. And the sheets with its calculations are in order. And there is Thor who is sleeping peacefully beside him.

Bruce frowns.

Okay, first he has to drink and make sure he has a clear head, to understand what's going on and why everything seems to be more orderly than it was when he went to bed. Then he turns to the bedside table and pours water into the glass. And drink. He drinks one, two, three, four glasses of water and realizes he has almost finished a two-liter bottle and who knows how long he didn't drink. But it's more polished. He believes. Except that he can't understand why his room is in order.  Another lightning. Another thunder.

Thor reaches for him, taking his hand, while half of his face is hidden by the pillow. "What time..." He must clear his hoarse voice before continuing. He asks. And Bruce has not the faintest idea. He has awakened and is confused. He is disoriented. There are so many new variables that he's not used to that he forgot to ask why Thor is sleeping in his bed.

He shakes his head, puts his hands on his temples and tries to concentrate. He fell asleep while fixing all the trophies to be thrown away, then... squeezes a little more, trying to concentrate. Oh. Oh. Drowsiness is better than alcohol apparently. Okay. "I don't know," he replies, lying back on the bed and turning to her side, to see how Thor, rubbing his eyes, yawns. "It's raining." Surely someone else would say that it’s a sign it rains right now, that Thor sleeps in his bed, that they confessed, even if in a state of drowsiness, their feelings. With an okay-comma-me-too. Bruce is definitely a disaster. But this time it worked. Okay, perfect. It worked. He has to tell Jennifer that his nerd way has worked and that she can no longer tease him about it. Ah. Ah! And now he’s definitely losing control, because he feels his thoughts start to flow without any limits, and the heart starts to beat him decidedly too strong. Well. Fantastic. Okay. Okay, you just...

Thor keeps his eyes closed, but smiles. "...and all the trees are happy," he murmurs, running a hand over his face and the other reaching Bruce's.

"Hey," he murmurs.

"Hey," Thor replies, twisting their fingers together and moving closer to him and laying their foreheads together as they have definitely done many times, as they probably would have continued to do for a long time. But Bruce moves just enough to give him a kiss on the nose. More than a kiss, he lays his lips on Thor's nose, so, okay, it didn't go exactly as he imagined, but when he was thirty, he might as well do thirty-one. While Thor laughs, wrinkling his nose, Bruce stretches just enough to kiss his forehead. Then he lowers to kiss his cheek. He can still blame the drowsiness. Or the adrenaline that flows in his body. Or the fact that he isn’t counting, despite being aware that he’s losing control. He’s in panic. Or, he can blame it all on his being a scientist for Thor's light laugh. He can blame many factors, so many variables, while he leaves a kiss on his jaw and hears him sigh. And this doesn’t help Bruce to stop, certainly. Because he has to do it. It’s what he is supposed to do. Probably it’s what Thor wanted to do after… and Bruce fell asleep. And he… he could lose him already, because of him... "Hey," Thor repeats, more gently.

And Bruce pulls back. "I don't..." It works like a bell, Thor's voice. It works like an alarm clock. And Bruce realizes he must count. He must do it. So he starts with one. One, two... Breath too irregular. The heart that beats too hard. He must -no matter whether Thor is there, he must…

Thor puts his hand on his cheek. "Hey" and it's even sweeter, even more serene. "It's all right." He clears his throat. Speaks slowly. "You're not doing anything wrong." He approaches him, hasn't tried to slip away, isn't scared and -how can he not be scared? Bruce is terrified. The heart, the lungs, the hands, all those thoughts -and he gave himself an excuse not to think, to wash his hands of his emotions, of his actions. And it's not something he can do because last time... when it happened the last time everything went wrong. Jennifer cried. He and Tony had a fight. And he destroyed what he built. Maybe he should go and get the medicine. (It wouldn't help because this isn't...) Maybe he should just -not hear. Don't feel such strong emotions. Because he doesn't know how... he never... Thor hugs him. He covers his head with one hand, his other hand busy being held by Bruce's. Hugs him. He holds Bruce tight. "Do you remember when you told me you can stand me?" He asks. "All of me?"

"It isn’t the same thing."

"Yes, it is. Bruce. I can stand it." He kisses his hair. And it's soothing. No need to count. He can concentrate on Thor's voice. Just think about breathing. To breath deeply. Breathe freely. "I want to do. I want to spend my life being the person who stays next to you when you think you've ruined everything. And when you smile at a grasshopper. I fell in love with you in your totality, not just the part of you that you show, even the part I saw you hide. I like how you respond to Loki, because sometimes you are a caress, sometimes a cold shower. And I like how you can fight with Brunnhilde. How you feel in front of our fauna. And flora. Oh, Bruce. It's exactly the same thing. And I can stand it. I don't know all your past. You know most of mine. Let me be there as you are there for me. Let -Bruce, let me love you. You don’t owe me anything, I swear. You don’t have to do anything.”

Bruce looks up. He’s not very sure of Thor's words. But he’s calmer. He returned to his state of peaceful peace. And he doesn't have to count. He didn't have to count to return. Thor said -Bruce presses his lips against his chin. He does it with some doubts, more for fear of himself than for fear of Thor's reaction.

Thor who bends his neck just enough to make their lips meet. And they both smile.

"You don't believe me, do you?" Thor asks. Bruce doesn't answer. He yawns, sits in his arms. Thor squeezes him a little more. "I'll have to convince you, then."

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
